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What is Sexual Desire Discrepancy?

Desire discrepancy is when there is a mismatch in sexual desire between partners. It shows up in relationships when one partner wants sex more or differently than another. Differences in desire are super common in relationships! It comes up most often with personal or cultural beliefs about sex, when stress is high or when there are big and sudden life changes including job loss, becoming a parent, or a new or worsened illness and pain. Sexual desire ebbs and flows over time. Our therapists can help partners to communicate more openly and with empathy, so that you can come back together.

Sexual Desire Discrepancy


  • Feelings of disappointment, guilt, frustration, inadequacy, low-self esteem, unmet needs or rejection
  • Body or self-image concerns and feeling unattractive
  • Dissatisfaction, tension or resentment within the relationship
  • Difficulties with openly communicating each partner’s needs, fears or concerns without causing conflict or discomfort
  • Polarized opinions when it comes to the frequency, intensity or type of sex each partner wants or expects
  • Pressure to initiate or have sex and performance anxiety
  • Less intimacy, emotional closeness or connection within the relationship
  • Limited sexual spontaneity and feeling as though the natural flow is disrupted
  • Needing to negotiate, compromise or schedule sex 
  • Betrayal, fractures or disruptions to building trust within the relationship


  1. At Bliss, we believe your counselling should be as unique as you are. We’ll begin by getting you and your partner matched with a therapist you both feel comfortable opening up to. 
  2. Then, you’ll get started with your initial session. During this appointment (virtual or in-person, your pick), you will share your desires for your relationship with your therapist. You’ll leave with a better understanding of the underlying challenges and how they contribute to conflict, body image, and the closeness you feel in your relationship.
  3. From here, you and your therapist will co-create a custom path for how you will come back together to improve your intimacy and sex life! With a compassionate expert by your side, you’ll learn how to communicate openly and honestly. Together, you’ll be able to express your desires, concerns and expectations with empathy and understanding. 
  4. Sometimes, desire discrepancy counselling can provide further insights to be explored – including past experiences of trauma, personal beliefs or cultural influences that could be impacting your desires. You may be encouraged to explore your own desires, preferences or boundaries, non-sexual intimacy and pleasure or to reframe your goals for sex and expectations of your partner. Your therapist will work with you to identify and clear anything getting in the way of you building a blissful relationship!


You deserve to feel fulfilled and satisfied in your relationship! Let’s start today – a Bliss therapist is here and ready to help you get going.

Simply fill out the form below to book your initial session or click here to book virtually.

Let us help you find your perfect match.

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