What’s Your Bliss? Episode 1 with Valentina 10 November 2022 Jess Boule No comments Categories: Communication, Guest Post, Podcast, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Workshops Welcome to What’s your Bliss – a podcast on what’s coming up in gender, sex and relationships, directly from our couch! Each episode our therapists will share stories, ideas, theories, perspectives and questions, intended to feed your curiosity about what brings you Bliss! For our first episode, Valentina Messier describes how she uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in relationship and sex therapy! Considering multiple perspectives and the situation, anchoring yourself, and knowing your individual and relational values can be helpful tools that support your communication and the level of intimacy you share in your partnerships. LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE: https://www.blisscounselling.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/001.mp3 FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT: Jess: Hey there! I’m Jess and this is What’s Your Bliss. [Intro Music] Jess: Welcome everyone to our very first episode of What’s Your Bliss, hosted by yours truly and on behalf of Bliss Counselling + Psychotherapy in Uptown Waterloo. What’s your Bliss is a podcast on what’s trending in sex and relationships, directly from our couch. I’ll go ahead and disclose right away that I am not a therapist, however I am a sex educator and activist and I have been working for Bliss for about 3 years now. When I started at Bliss, I was a Client Service Team member. I would sit at the front desk and chat quite a bit with our clients and then of course, our therapists. In probably about a minute or less I would learn so much about each of our therapists, who they are personally and professionally. I was then able to share some of these ideas with our clients calling in, which helped so much when they were looking for a therapist who could be a really great fit. At the time, when I first started working for Bliss, we probably only had about 8 therapists on our team. But, over the past few years we have grown into a roaster of about 30. Despite the challenges that COVID brought, our team somehow still has the same, if not deeper sense of intimacy that comes with being a small clinic. And now that there is more of us and we have so many more opportunities to connect (which I’ve got to say I am so grateful for!), there’s also a lot more ideas to share. I hear you asking, “Why am I not doing what I was doing before, why start a podcast and bring all of you into it.” Well, I’m no longer on the front desk. We’ve actually hired some new and wonderful people who are now flourishing and making that a role of their own. And while, I am still connecting with our therapists regularly to witness and to learn so many valuable insights from them – like a true educator or maybe even a really oddly proud parent, I have this idea or this need to share with all of you the stories, ideas, theories, perspectives and questions about sex and relationships that I hear in a day. So keep in mind that these are super informal conversations. We are not doing therapy here! But, our chats are intended to support your connection and to feed your curiosity about what might be your bliss. However, if you might like to speak to one of our therapists, give our office a shout! Those wonderful folks that I was mentioning before they would be super happy to help you out with finding someone on our team who could be a really great fit. So I guess with all that being said and out of the way with – are you ready for our first episode? Because I sure am! I have been waiting on this for a few months now. So let’s get this thing started with our very own Valentina to learn more about her bliss, which is the use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a therapeutic tool or approach. So Valentina, maybe we could kick this thing off with you telling us a little bit about you first. Aside from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy what else is your bliss? Valentina: Yeah, so I can tell you about myself. I guess the obvious is that I am a Registered Psychotherapist here at Bliss. Um, but outside of work, I am also a cat-mom, I am a mom to be and I consider myself, creative. So I love like incorporating that in almost everything that I do. Whether it’s like cooking or um, doing some creative writing. Uh yeah… Jess: I didn’t know you got into creative writing. Valentina: I do yeah, it’s more just for myself as a means of expression, it’s not really anything I share with other people, but… Jess: Totally! So we’ll edit this out, you’re like, “Do not talk about my creative writing.” But that’s so cool. Like, what kind of things do you write about though? Just out of curiosity, I’m just being nosey now. Valentina: Yeah, so for me a lot of it is poetry. I like the word play component and… Jess: Yeah. Valentina: I usually try to draw from like feelings. So… Jess: Cancer right? Valentina: Yeah! Jess: Yes! This is um my partner, she like absolutely loves poetry and I feel this for anyone who either writes poetry or like really loves reading poetry is that they get like such higher, I don’t know how to say this, it’s like this higher vibration of thoughts. And she just gets so intentional with the words, like even with song lyrics and everything too, like…It’s so incredible. Valentina: Yeah, that’s like the first thing I pay attention to when I hear new music is like the lyrics and what story is being told. So. Jess: Yeah Valentina: That’s interesting Jess: And I’m sure that’s really like the perfect segue too because I’m sure that’s a lot of the skill that you bring into your therapy sessions. Valentina It is! It is and I think that in general, I have a curiosity about people and their stories and I try to bring that into our therapy sessions and I like to have a person centred approach and a strengths based approach when working with people. But, I also love to explore thoughts and feelings and get to know more of the context around a person and their life. So… Jess: And is that like… is that what drew you to ACT as well or? Like how does that fit in? Valentina: Definitely! It is something that has drawn me to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Um, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy looks a lot at context. Um sometimes the things that we do in one situation might not be appropriate in another situation or the thoughts that we have during one period of our life may not be the same thoughts that we have later in life. And so, I just love looking at the big picture and how everything fits into that um … and looking at which factors in our lives motivate us. Whether it’s the feelings, whether it’s life circumstances and what that motivation leads to as far as what action we’re taking. And how that fits into the life that we want to create for ourselves. Jess: Yeah, if I’m understanding correctly, just like, ACT can help somebody almost not to think so black and white maybe. Valentina: Definitely! I think a lot of times when we find ourselves thinking black and white, we miss a lot of what’s actually happening. So I do encourage people to kind of explore that grey area, in between the black and white and ask questions like, “Well, what purpose does this thought have in my life or this behaviour have in my life?”; “How is it serving me?”; “What about my situation right now is leading me to feel the way I am feeling or act the way I am acting?” Jess: Mhmm. So you can really hear that piece around the values coming in, like “What are my values and is that actually in line with my values?” Valentina: Exactly. Jess: Umm… Is this something that you feel as though comes up with like premarital sessions that you do? Valentina: One thing I notice with couples, when it comes to communication, I catch people having these mental rules. Um, sometimes one partner feels things have to be run a certain way or be done a certain way and the other partner has a completely different mental rule for themselves and for how things need to be taken care of. Um, so it can be so useful to come back to values and ask what is the shared vision for the future of this relationship and what are the shared values that you both have and is sticking to these rules or clinging tightly to them, serving that shared vision, serving the relationship. Once we build awareness around our own thinking or these mental rules, it’s a little bit easier to let go of them and realize “Okay you know what, maybe I have these rules because of my own upbringing and the things I was exposed to myself. My partner has different rules because of their upbringing, their context and we don’t have to let that divide us. We can connect over something that is more meaningful and more important for us. Jess: I suppose though, I am curious if it, if ACT comes up with sex, but I also don’t know if that’s been coming into your sessions at all. Valentina: So I think that ACT can play a role with regards to issues around sex, I think a lot of times we get caught up in our head and that can take away from being fully present when we’re trying to sexually engage with a partner. Sometimes building awareness around our own thinking and realizing we might be having thoughts like, “My partner should be the one initiating” or “I don’t feel attractive” um, then we can better understand like what our barriers are and what’s getting in the way. And with ACT a big component is actually mindfulness practice. So learning to detach from some of those thoughts a little bit and shift your focus with some flexibility more towards the experience in the moment and one way of kind of detaching from those thoughts that might not be serving you in the moment when you’re trying to be sexually intimate with a partner is simply noticing and naming – which seems pretty um I guess simplest, but by saying I’m noticing my mind is having the thought that I’m not attractive or I’m noticing my mind is making a judgment about my partner. Even that moment of time where you’ve stepped back and noticed your thinking, that provides you with an opportunity where you can be conscious about what happens next. So if we bring it back to values, if sex is important to you because you value that connection with your partner, then you can ask “Is buying into this thought or buying into this judgment bringing me closer to that?” Or should I give myself permission to let go of that and try to focus in on what will actually bring me closer. Jess: And so what would you say could be the differences I suppose between ACT, CBT, DBT. Valentina: Yeah, that’s a really good question. With ACT, CBT, and DBT, there are some similarities. Like all of these approaches examine behaviours, thoughts, feelings but there are some differences. Um, one of the most notable differences between ACT and CBT is the way that we approach our thinking. So in CBT a lot of times what we are encouraged to do is challenge the content of the thoughts we have. So, I”ll give an example, if you have a thought, “I’m not good enough” and I think that’s a pretty common thought most people can relate to. CBT might encourage you to look for evidence that you are good enough and to try to counter that thought or to change that thought into something different. Um, whereas with ACT the aim is rather than assessing the content of the thought, we look at the function of the thought. So for some people, CBT can be helpful they’re able to kind of disprove their thought and they feel better but sometimes that’s not enough and they still find themselves feeling not good enough. With ACT if you’re looking at function rather than asking if this thought is true or is this thought false, what you’re doing is asking, “Is this thought helpful for me?”; “Is this serving me?”; “Is this bringing me closer to who I want to be or the life I want to have?” Regardless of whether or not it’s true or false. Jess: Yeah, yeah, I can absolutely see that and especially in the examples you have given now. If I’m feeling like, maybe that low self-esteem, body kind of feeling and I’m judging myself I might try to change my thought pattern to be like, “Well, I can see my partner is really enjoying this, so it’s okay!” Valentina: Exactly! So you’re looking for evidence like, “My thought is false clearly, like my partner is liking this so they must be attracted to me.” And so those are instances where CBT can be helpful but sometimes though it has its limits, where even when somebody is recognizing that the brain is pretty powerful and will say, “Well that doesn’t mean that your attractive.” It will kind of mess with you a bit. Jess: Exactly! That’s what I was going to say, it’s almost like there’s a lack of validation in it of being like, that thought is also okay, right? Valentina: Right! Jess: But does it actually serve what I’m trying to do here or the goal that I’m trying to achieve, essentially. So is that where ACT gets its name from…? Like Acceptance and– Valentina: Commitment Therapy. It is related to that. ACT is a third wave cognitive behaviour therapy. The first wave of cognitive behaviour therapy was the behaviour component and then the second wave was the cognitive component and now this third wave focuses on acceptance. So we shift away from trying to get rid of unwanted feelings and broaden our focus to incorporating more meaningful action and accepting those feelings in our life and I want to clarify that a lot of people don’t like hearing accepting unwanted feelings, but what I mean by accepting is acknowledging that they are part of our reality not necessarily approving of them. Like clearly, they are unwanted- you’re not approving of them but recognizing when we have no control of that. Most of us might wish we had like a delete button in our brain where we could just get rid of thoughts we don’t want or get rid of feelings that are bothersome to us, but we don’t have that power. So a lot of our control actually lies within our actions which is part of why we call it ACT and um, part of letting go of that struggle is accepting, the acceptance part, um what the reality is and then we commit to values guided action. So it is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Jess: Yeah! Um. Who do you think could benefit from ACT? You know? Like I know we’ve talked about um folks in relationships or doing premarital counselling or folks who it sounds like, may be having some challenges with sex and intimacy with their partner. Uh…who else could be like a really good fit for ACT? Valentina: Yeah so, I may be biased because I love this approach, but I think that most people would benefit from ACT. And the reason why I think this is because so much is based on function. Like all of us have the capacity to ask ourselves how things are working in our lives. Um, and we all have the capacity to explore our personal values and those things that add a sense of meaning to our lives. Um, sometimes when we utilize like a thinking sort of approach where we’re sort of examining our thoughts we might get the feedback that, that sort of top-down, using the tops of our brains and trying to move down approach doesn’t work for people who are experiencing trauma or trying to get through post traumatic stress. However, with ACT there is this experiential component as well, which is that mindfulness piece where we get in touch with the sensations of the body. Um, so I think even for those individuals, ACT can be effective. So it’s kind of both a top-down and a bottom-up approach. Jess: Yeah. Valentina: I love using it, when I am working with individuals who have anxiety or depressive symptoms. I also find it helpful when someone’s had like a big transition in their life or if they’re trying to make a decision like, “Do I stay in this relationship, do I leave?”or “Do I stay in this job or do I look for something else?” Um, I think if you’re feeling like you’re struggling to kind of have your actions align with where you want to be in life then ACT would be a great approach for you. Jess: Yeah, so anyone who is basically feeling kind of stuck – a little stuck right now. Valentina: Yeah, it’s great for that for sure. Jess: Oh, well I can buy into that! Um.. Oh actually that was something, when you were mentioning the piece around um it either being like top-bottom or bottom-up or bottom to top, and that there’s like an ability for like using ACT to regulate emotions, is that… was I understanding that correctly? Valentina: Mhmm. Yes. Jess: Okay, so something that I think heard a lot with ACT is dropping Anchor! Valentina: Yes, yes. I love this concept of dropping anchor. It’s also known as grounding, but I like calling it dropping anchor too because it kind of conjures up this image of a storm, like an emotional storm and you are dropping anchor to steady yourself. You’re not getting rid of the storm, you’re just dropping anchor to keep yourself steady. You’re not getting rid of unwanted things, but you’re able to manage in that context and so dropping anchor is essentially is getting in touch with your senses. So it might involve on the movement in your body as you’re breathing it could involve sounds around you or visually what is surrounding you. I love focusing on points of contact or like the feeling of my feet against the floor or my back against the chair. The reason why we focus on these things is because they are all happening in the here and now and they’re easily accessible. So it can really be something that is useful when we find ourselves in a storm and uh, there is research behind mindfulness as well with regards to changing brain structures. So, actually if you practice dropping anchor with some consistency you can reduce the size of the amygdala in your brain, and that’s kind of that survival response centre. Jess: Yeah! Valentina: So that results in less intense anxiety experiences for people. Jess: Absolutely – I had no idea that it could reduce the size of the amygdala! That in and of itself is really incredible. Holy! Valentina: Yes, I love incorporating dropping anchor and any sort of mindfulness practice for that reason. Jess: I bet and that was the thing… what appealed to me with this dropping anchor idea is that it’s one of those handy tools where you can take it anywhere with you. Valentina: Yes! Jess: You know, what I mean? I’ve heard of folks who um, use it line at the cash and they are starting to feel impatient or frustrated in that moment and then they’re like, “Okay, this is a moment when I need to drop anchor.” Valentina: Oh yeah! Or when you’re like stuck in traffic and finding yourself frustrated, Jess: Oh God yeah, I could have used an anchor today. Absolutely! You know I’ve heard of, I’ve heard of ACT being used as you’re saying like we’ve gone through individual and now we’ve talked about relationship sessions – it’s also been used in groups right? Valentina: It has been! And I actually co-facilitate a group with one of my colleagues. Um, and there are some unique benefits of group work versus individual. So of course in an individual setting when you’re using ACT with a therapist, you get that full hour of air time, you get to explore on a deep level some of your own life experiences and your personal values, which is wonderful. Uh. A group setting however, has a lot of benefits that you don’t necessarily get in the individual group. When you’re working with a group you have this gift of different perspectives so it allows you to more easily see things in a new light. At the same time, hearing from other people, you start to recognize that you have a shared experience. Where before you might have felt alone in your experience now there are these other people who are sharing with the group that they also resonate with those same feelings so it can be a really validating experience to be working with a group. I think it’s also the preference for some people who don’t necessarily feel comfortable having all of the air time, they’d rather be a listener at times and then share when they feel comfortable, um, so that’s another perk of working in a group. There are some differences as well with the group, my colleague and I, we have an agenda for each week and there’s a psychoeducation component. We do start each session with a mindfulness exercise and then we allow for some various exercises around values and some discussion so it’s a little bit more structured than what you might find individually. Ideally, doing both would probably cover all the bases and be great. Jess: That’s incredible! And does anybody need anything to prepare for the group? Is there any homework they should do before jumping into a group setting? Valentina: So we usually have a 15 minute consult with people who are interested, where we talk about what to expect with the group. There’s not really any homework that needs to be done, Sheila and I – my colleague and I, we’re pretty prepared and we guide people through it so there’s nothing really to be afraid of. Jess: Oh that’s incredible, so me, if I don’t know my values and I’m feeling stuck – I’m all set to go? I can jump right into this course? Valentina: Right! We’ve got some tools to help identify values. Jess: Amazing! Well thanks so much Valentina for doing this with me! Valentina: Yeah, thanks so much for having me! Jess: And thank you all so much for joining us and for listening to our first episode here with Valentina. Like I said at the very beginning if you are looking to book an appointment either with Valentina or with another one of our therapists here at Bliss or to join in on some of our group therapy sessions that we’ve got going on, please give us a call at the office or send us an email. I hope that you all have a blissful rest of your days! [Outro Music] DID YOU ENJOY THE SHOW? LET US KNOW! Share your feedback with the author of the show, Jess Boulé (jess@blisscounselling.ca) or leave us a review on LibSyn!
Getting to know Sheila & Acceptance and Commitment Therapy 16 February 2022 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Communication, Events, Individual Therapy, Inspiration, Relationship Therapy, Self Care, Therapy, Uncategorised, Workshops Sheila McDonough is one of our very own therapists at Bliss Counselling + Psychotherapy!. Sheila earned her undergraduate degree with a Major in Social Development Studies and a Certificate in Social Work from Renison University College at the University of Waterloo. Sheila is a Master of Social Work with a Degree from Wilfrid Laurier University in the individual, couple and family stream. Sheila specializes in individuals and relationships and is a Registered Social Worker and a member in good standing with the Ontario College of Social Worker and Social Service Workers and the Ontario Association of Social Workers. Where it all started: In her early 20s Sheila experienced delayed grief, which led her to engage in psychotherapy. Through this experience Sheila realized the value of psychotherapy. Following this experience, Sheila began her journey to become a psychotherapist. Sheila had been working in marketing and sales. Sheila realized her natural skills and talents were useful in developing the therapeutic alliance which is the curative factor in psychotherapy and in all helping professions. This shift in career focus has led Sheila to a very meaningful and satisfying career. She feels very honoured to walk with people as they reflect and work towards making meaningful changes in their lives. Sheila has worked as a Registered Social Worker for the past 15 years primarily in the areas of trauma and mental health. In those 15 years, Sheila has spent more than 10 years in a hospital setting providing outpatient mental health services, emergency mental health services and acute trauma treatment in the areas of sexual assault and domestic violence. In the last 2 years, Sheila has really enjoyed working more with couples. She loves helping couples improve their communication and create more loving and meaningful relationships. Sheila aims to hold each person in esteem, while challenging them to look at how they can change to improve the quality of their relationship. Sheila’s primary approach to working with individuals and couples focuses heavily on incorporating mindfulness. Sheila has studied and practiced mindfulness for more than 25 years. It is the cornerstone of the therapeutic approaches Sheila uses in her therapy sessions. Sheila is a lifelong learner and has postgraduate training in the areas of mindfulness, DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Sheila believes present moment awareness is essential to making meaningful changes in our lives. Sheila uses an eclectic approach in therapy. This is why she values the ACT model. ACT embodies the main elements Sheila uses in her sessions (i.e. mindfulness, DBT, and compassion). ACT provides a framework to help people ground themselves and increase psychological flexibility. The approach allows a person to recognize a choice point to work towards meaningful change in their life. What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: ACT helps people open up and respond more effectively to difficult emotions and thoughts. ACT helps a person to recognize their personal values and to move toward more value based behaviours. When using ACT a client will be able to see how small subtle challenges in life can be traced to a conflict in their own value system. This increased awareness then helps the client with unhooking themselves from the negative cycle so that they may move toward who and what is important to them. Sheila loves the following quote and feels it embodies the essence of the ACT model: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl We wanted to unpack the positive impacts of using ACT as an effective and evidence-based approach to therapy, so we interviewed Sheila to learn more. Here’s what she shared: How is ACT used in a therapy session? People will often want to get rid of unwanted thoughts and emotions. But, that’s not entirely possible. Instead, in an ACT session, clients are encouraged to accept these unwanted thoughts and behaviours, to cultivate present moment awareness, to learn how to recognize cognitive distortions and work towards value based and committed actions. How many sessions will it take to notice a positive change? The number of sessions will depend on each individual. Typically clients benefit from 6-8 sessions. Some clients may wish to pursue while others may wish to receive ongoing sessions (16-24), over several months or years. Some clients will attend a few sessions, then return in the future to explore their life in greater depth. Who would benefit from ACT? People with a wide range of challenges may benefit from ACT treatment (i.e. depression, anxiety, Borderline Personality, post traumatic stress symptoms stress, substance use and chronic pain) How might ACT be incorporated into a person’s life outside of the session? Clients learn how to ground themselves, to become an observer of their thoughts and feelings and how to work on committed action so that they may move toward who and what is important to them. Goals are set at the end of each individual or group session. Does ACT sound like an approach that you might like to explore? Look no further. Find out how to join our upcoming ACT Group Therapy! Sheila McDonough (MSW, RSW) and fellow Bliss expert Valentina Messier (RP,) are hosting an upcoming Acceptance and Commitment Therapy workshop series. This workshop series will be held virtually from the comfort of your home via Zoom. Heal through the power of connection in a small group setting! Prepare yourself to engage in group activities and discussions for 120 minutes, once a week for five weeks starting Saturday, March 26th and ending April 30th (excluding Easter weekend Saturday, April 16th). Are you ready to join Bliss Counselling + Psychotherapy’s 5- week virtual ACT workshop? Click here to take the next step in securing a spot in this upcoming group or to be added to the waitlist for future groups. Written By: Sheila McDonough (MSW, RSW) Edited By: Candice Mason (Customer Care Specialist) & Jess Boule (Clinic Manager)
Getting to know Valentina and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy 23 December 2021 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Communication, Events, Inspiration, Self Care, Therapy, Workshops WHO IS VALENTINA: Valentina is one of our very own therapists at Bliss Counselling + Psychotherapy practicing individual therapy. For as long as Valentina can remember, people have felt comfortable opening up to her. She has frequently had strangers join her while sitting on a park bench or at a coffee shop. Valentina feels a sense of value in being able to give others a safe space to listen and to understand them and their story. One day, Valentina connected with a person experiencing Schizophrenia, who shared more with her about their life and the challenges they had been facing. This conversation sparked a curiosity within Valentina that led her to pursue Psychology as her major. Her curiosity to truly see, understand, and accept people as they are, continued to grow and ultimately, lended to her pursuit of a career in Psychotherapy. Valentina obtained her undergraduate and graduate degrees in the United States, at Marquette University and Cardinal Stritch University, respectively. In addition to being a Psychotherapist in Ontario, Canada, Valentina holds a License of Professional Counselling in the state of Wisconsin. During her Clinical Psychology Master’s program, Valentina co-facilitated a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group at Aurora Psychiatric Hospital in Wisconsin. This experience further stoked her interest in mindfulness and radical acceptance. She felt motivated to approach those around her with a sense of compassion in order to validate lived experiences and to support them in identifying their own strengths. After graduate school, Valentina began working with marginalized populations in Milwaukee, WI. As part of an interdisciplinary team piloting the CORE (Coordinated Opportunities for Recovery and Empowerment) Program, she actively supported those living with psychosis with the goal to improve the quality of their lives. Through a coordinated effort, Valentina was able to help foster independence for many young adults facing Schizophrenia. She and her colleagues approached hallucinations and delusions with acceptance, rather than dismissal or disapproval. With compassion, Valentina and her team validated their clients’ realities. She offered psychoeducation for families, created strength-based treatment and crisis plans, which incorporated both formal and informal support systems and strategies. Valentina hosted monthly meetings for each client and their circle of care, utilizing open communication and problem solving across the health care team to ensure that the client was well supported, and that ultimately their needs were prioritized. After a move to Canada, Valentina began providing psychotherapy online. It was during this time that she first heard of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Not knowing what it was, Valentina chose to dive into courses and literature. WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is an evidence-based approach to therapy that uses Mindfulness to build awareness of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. With this awareness, we are able to observe patterns in our behaviours and thoughts. This then gives us the information we need in order to reflect on whether how we are operating in the world is meaningful and working for us, as well as how we might be able to add value to our lives. Rather than reviewing the content of our thoughts and feelings, we analyze their usefulness. For example, we may encounter a situation where we think, “I’m not good enough.” Instead of asking ourselves, is this thought accurate, ACT encourages us to ask ourselves: Am I placing my focus on one particular thought and is this helping me in some way? By placing my focus on this particular thought, is it bringing me closer to who I want to be? Are my patterns of thoughts and behaviours working for me? Certain therapeutic approaches, such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), ask us to seek out evidence for why we ARE good enough, that is, to consider alternative examples that could counter the negative thought pattern. For some, this is really effective. But, sometimes, there is no amount of evidence that can truly convince us that we are indeed good enough. This is why Valentina loves ACT; it looks at the function of thoughts and feelings rather than their accuracy. When we think, “I’m not good enough,” and then ask ourselves how that thought pattern is working for us, it’s easy to see that it isn’t. Our minds generally want to protect us from pain. Unfortunately, thoughts and feelings are often out of our control; there is no “Delete” button in the brain to get rid of them for good. So while it is important to acknowledge unwanted thoughts and feelings, expending too much of our energy analysing them will not actually change our lives for the better. Ultimately, we may not feel closer to achieving our goals or the life we want, so what could we do instead? Build self-awareness. When we are self-aware, we are able to acknowledge that something is not working. When we realize that something is not working, we can then begin letting go of the unhelpful thoughts and feelings that hook our attention. Mindfulness is incredibly useful for “unhooking” these thoughts. Not only does it bring us into the present moment, but it reminds us that we are not defined by our thinking or our emotions. We are simply observers of our experience. Through Mindfulness, we build flexible attention and foster acceptance of our experience. This approach is liberating and compassionate, it acknowledges and validates the painful experiences in our lives while at the same time giving us our power back. While it is natural for us to allow emotions to dictate our actions, we do not have to let them dominate our lives. Whether in the therapy room, or outside of it, we can approach life through this framework. We can practice mindful awareness in any setting and reflect on our values. The therapy room provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to open up about the painful experiences we encounter. As a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) with almost a decade of experience and a fellow human, Valentina acknowledges everyone’s emotions as valid and offers understanding and compassionate support. We collaborate as a team to help take steps towards changing life for the better. Change can be intimidating, by having someone along for the journey, to offer encouragement, guidance and reminders of your strengths, can be incredibly helpful. Does ACT sound like an approach that you might like to explore? Then, join Valentina Messier (RP, Qualifying) and fellow Bliss expert Sheila McDonough (MSW, RSW) in our upcoming ACT Now For A New You In 2022 group workshop. The workshop will be held virtually from the comfort of your home via Zoom. Heal through the power of connections with up to ten other like minded individuals! Prepare yourself to engage in group discussions for 90 minutes, once a week for five weeks starting Saturday January 15th and ending February 12th. We’ve got all the information we need, we are interested so just click here to make the next step to booking into our group. Who is ready to join Bliss Counselling + Psychotherapy’s 5- week virtual ACT workshop? All the information is outlined and the interest has been sparked! Just click here to take the next step in securing a spot within the group. Written By: Valentina Messier Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) & Candice Mason, Client Services
Group Therapy -Spring 2019 17 March 2019 Kelly McDonnell-Arnold No comments Categories: Self Care, Therapy, Workshops You are longing for a more fulfilling sense of connection with yourself and others. You want to improve your relationships and maybe even feel better about yourself. Making meaningful connections is hard for you. You often wish you could connect in a more deep and meaningful way with others. Perhaps you have noticed a recurring pattern in your relationships that you would love to change or understand better. You know you need to get better at creating healthy boundaries, but you have no idea where to start. And social situations—UGH! You often struggle and feel anxious. You would like to know how you relate to others, but do not have anyone to give you an honest (and kind) opinion. What if you had a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings, connect with others, and practice new behaviours to help you create more fulfilling relationships? Imagine feeling more connected to the important people in your life. Picture yourself communicating in a way that feels good to you and helps you to feel seen and heard. Envision that you are excited to sit down and have conversations with your friends, family, or your partner and are confident in your ability to be supportive of others, while asking for the support you need. Finally! Visualize feeling better about yourself and creating and deepening the relationships that matter most to you. You can do all this in Group Therapy. Group therapy is a powerful tool for growth and change. In therapy groups, you will use the group format and a proven process as a mechanism to help you explore, heal, and change through developing and examining interpersonal relationships in the group. What to expect: 7 Weekly Sessions: You will meet your group once per week for 90 minutes for 7 weeks. Small Groups for Multiple Perspectives: This group will consist of 6-10 individuals who meet face-to-face to share their every day struggles and concerns with two registered social workers and relationship therapists, Kelly and Melissa. Support and Encouragement:You will tap into the power of this group with the unique opportunity to receive multiple perspectives, support, encouragement, and feedback from other individuals in a safe and confidential environment. Deepened Self-Awareness: You will have the opportunity to deepen your level of self-awareness to learn how you relate to others and to practice new ways of being in a relationship with others. Topics That Matter Most To You: You will enjoy the unstructured nature of the group. Instead of covering one specific topic for each group session, you can focus on a particular theme or issue that’s important to you. Practice Giving Support:You will become more supportive in your personal life as you get a chance to give support and feedback to others. Are you interested in joining us? Great! We’d love to have you. Join the waitlist here and you’ll be the first to know when our Spring group opens up! Coverage: For many people, group therapy with a social worker (MSW or RSW) or psychotherapist (RP) is covered under their insurance plans. THE GROUP AS LABORATORY In trying these new ways of interacting with others, the important thing is to do something that feels difficult. Old, familiar ways of behaving will probably not result in productive experiments. Moreover, a new behaviour may seem difficult at first, but with practice, it gets easier. Then the new behaviour may be added to your repertoire-your range options-and it’s available whenever you need it.
Valentine’s Day Yoga Workshop 9 February 2016 admin No comments Categories: Workshops Trying to plan an exciting Valentine’s Day for you and your partner? Join Certified Psychologist and AcroYoga instructor Heather Anderson for a Couples Communication and Yoga Workshop from 8-10 a.m. at the KW Gymnastics Club! It may not sound like your typical, romantic breakfast-in-bed, but it’s perfect for couples looking for a fun and unique experience! The workshop combines discussion about relationships, communication, and trust with the practice of AcroYoga, which “blends the wisdom of yoga, the dynamic power of acrobatics, and the loving kindness of healing arts”. AcroYoga is a playful way for partners to interact, explore one another, and to have fun! It typically involves one person lying on the ground using their hands and feet to support their partner, who is balanced above them in various postures. And though it might sound difficult, Heather assures us that beginners can easily participate: “Some people come into AcroYoga worried that they are not flexible enough or not strong enough. This is not the case! The techniques and progressions in AcroYoga allow beginners to challenge themselves in safe and comfortable ways. Everyone is encouraged to listen to their body and step just outside of their comfort zone, but not beyond.” All you need to bring is your partner, a bottle of water, and your sense of adventure! We believe this workshop is great for any couple, whether or not they are experiencing difficulties with communication and trust. Learning how to listen to one another, communicate effectively, and take some risks will benefit any relationship, and the workshop itself is just plain fun! It will definitely give you something to talk about over your dinner plans! If you are interested, email Heather at heather.anderson@bliss-therapy.org to register. The workshop costs $100 per couple, but due to the therapeutic nature of the workshop, if you have any benefits or coverage you will be able to submit the receipt as Couples Therapy. If you register and pay in advance, Heather will email you your receipt the same day; you are also welcome to pay the day of, in which case your receipt will be mailed to you the following day. Location: KW Gymnastics Club, 805 Victoria Rd. South, Kitchener Time: 8-10 a.m.