It’s not uncommon for couples who come into my office to express concern that they have lost connection with their partner. They no longer experience the same feelings of love that were present in the beginning of their relationship.

Over time relationships change, but with conscious effort and awareness we can learn to change with them. A relationship doesn’t have to fizzle simply because it has moved on from the initial infatuation into a stable relationship. You and your partner are different, and each of you feels/experiences love and connection differently. Becoming aware of how you differ can allow you to hit the target rather than miss the mark.

Gary Chapman has developed a simple strategy to tune into your partner and figure out how they prefer to experience love. He determined that people can feel love in 5 different ways: Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, and Acts of Service. While this may seem self-explanatory, it is often difficult to differentiate between what we most need and what our partner needs.

Below are some examples of each:

Touch – a quick touch on the arm when you walk by, putting your arm around your partner
Quality Time – going for a walk together, discussing your day over a meal with no distractions
Words of Affirmation – verbally acknowledging that your partner looks nice, thanking them for something they have done
Gifts – picking up a book they have had their eye on, bringing home their favourite dessert
Act of Service – cleaning something you know bothers them, raking the leaves outside

Here is a link to the love languages test, which will help you narrow down your preferences: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ 

For more information, Gary Chapman’s ‘The 5 Love Languages’ is available anywhere books are sold. Enjoy!

Heather Anderson