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Rethinking Rejection

Rethinking Rejection


“Rejection sucks” you say. Or at least, you think it’s you who says it. But the fact is that the voice in your head worrying about the “no” you got from The One You Yearn For isn’t really you – it’s your ego, the part of you that hates being denied. Let’s put our egos aside and try to find a healthier perspective, shall we? Because when you’re feeling down-and-out after someone alters the movie script ending you had in your head, at best you’re not seeing things clearly and at worst you’re letting someone else smother your self-esteem. It’s time to change the way you think about rejection.

First of all, let’s look at what rejection really is.

You’ve got something built up in your head about what you want from a relationship. The problem is that everyone else does too, including the person that you want to want you. So the #1 cause of rejection is just a dissonance in stories – theirs is different from yours, and they’re simply honoring that. It has nothing to do with you, really. It boils down to an incompatibility of mutual goals, and they happened to notice that before you did.


Second, try to realize that what’s going on in your head is a fictional account of how you wish things were. The fact is that even if your beloved said “yes” and committed to you, things would not likely turn out the way you’ve been imagining. Trying to force chemistry certainly won’t work in your favour either. Accepting that the scenario you long for is more imagination than reality will help you find the power to move on. So try it! Because the sooner you re-imagine your life, the sooner you can find someone whose inner movie will match yours.

And finally…

Why are you even longing for someone who’s not responding to you? You deserve better, so I think you need a new mantra. And I’ve got just the one for you: “I don’t want to be with anybody who doesn’t want to be with me.”

Repeat this until it becomes second nature to you. Chasing someone who’s constantly going the other way is doing nothing but leading you off of your own track toward happiness. Stand in your power, in the certainty that the one who’s right for you is the one who clearly sees how you’ll make a great addition to their life, and whose inner movie feels more magical once you enter the picture.


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Chantal Heide is a Human Relations expert with a successful practice helping clients learn how to find and keep a “magical” loving relationship. She is a public speaker, workshop leader, private coach, writer, and frequent media contributor. Find her on 570 News and Huffington Post Canada.