To my Quaran-tine: How can we navigate our relationship during a pandemic? 14 February 2021 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Book Recommendations, Communication, Self Care, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness Due to the restrictions on dating activities that would normally happen during Valentine’s Day, couples may feel like it’s going to be just another day. Which can be disappointing to those who enjoy taking a break from the repetitiveness of everyday life relationships. This is a universal conflict for all couples, new or old, healthy or strained. COVID-19 did not just impact how people meet, but also the exploration of romance and even how much time people spend together. For partners who are living together and are spending more time with each other at home throughout COVID-19, emotional connection has improved; physical connection on the other hand has not. The amount of time spent with partner(s) does not necessarily equate to “quality time”. For instance, more time together could mean more conversations about things each person isn’t happy with within their relationship or changes they might like to see. Some partners may realize they aren’t as compatible with each other and may be starting to realize that they want different things. Some relationships may be trying to work through betrayal, such as infidelity, and are finding it difficult to not be able to take space from their partner(s), as they try to figure out what they want. If we layer in those relationships who have children, it’s even more difficult to have privacy and to take time to grieve aspects of the relationship when the kids are around and people are isolated from their support systems, like family, friends, co-workers. For those who are dating, there is also a lot more communication and negotiations of boundaries during COVID-19. For instance, folks may be asking themselves: Is it safe to be discussing COVID-19 related precautions with this new person? How do we discuss and navigate consent? Should I be isolating after sharing a physical connection, and if so, for how long? Are relationships that came to fruition during the pandemic going to last past the pandemic? A list of common challenges people have felt in their relationship during COVID-19 includes: Experiencing Low sexual desire and desire discrepancy Sharing less physical intimacy or avoiding sex Overcoming infidelity Finding ways to effectively communicate feelings and listen to alternative perspectives Managing erectile dysfunction & rapid ejaculation Exploring sexuality Reconnecting sexually Wanting to open up the relationship Sometimes when there is a crisis, it can either connect and bring partners closer or it can have the opposite effect. It’s important to remember that relationship bumps are inevitable, pandemic or not, No matter the situation, great new things will come from this, even though it’s hard right now. At Bliss, we want to help our clients through these challenging times. Navigating relationships during COVID-19 can be hard, but not impossible. Here are some tips from our very own therapists who specialize in sexual health and wellbeing in relationships: Have separate time You’re not going to desire someone when you spend all of your time with them. Do what you can to separate yourself. That could mean, self-care, taking up jogging, biking, connecting with friends, and having outdoor hangouts in safe ways. Do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself. Increasing pleasure and fun Figure out target specific activities you can do at home, or outside, these can be brainstormed with your therapist. Some activities you can discuss with your partner(s), or date are: Exercising Board Games Movie Marathons Puzzles Planning Future Fun Events Cooking Together DIY Spa Dates Bubble Baths Colouring Dressing Up For A Date Night In Reading To Each Other Paint Night Online Classes Yoga Stargazing Create a Photobook Of Memories Long Drives Bake Off Share Your Favourite Stand-Up Specials Streamline a concert together Make (chocolate) fondue together Make breakfast in bed Recreate your first date, from home! Make your own valentine Ask conversation starters, or quiz yourselves on your love maps! Write each other a poem or haiku Write each other love or gratitude letters Cook a romantic dinner, with candle light and all (some of these ideas are great for an COVID friendly Valentine’s) Open Communication Anxiety about COVID-19 leads to stress and irritability in the relationship. Effective open/transparent communication around what you are going to do is key. Whether it is with your partner(s) or someone you’re dating. If you have the same perspective, it’s okay. If you have two different perspectives, or pre-existing anxiety and OCD, it will affect the relationship. So, discussing boundaries and negotiating “dating terms” should be at the forefront of conversation. Managing Stress If you find yourself being hypervigilant in managing emotions, minimizing conflict, protecting kids from the tension or outburst, you may be giving yourself additional unnecessary stress. In managing stress levels, remember that you cannot control anyone else’s emotions except your own. You must let your partner(s) regulate themselves. For those in couples or individual therapy, this is something you can talk to your therapist about. Finding ways to regulate your own emotions will help in figuring out how to move forward with your partner(s) with no resentment. It’s really important to normalize your experience and your partners’ relationship concerns. Our therapists here at Bliss validate client’s emotions and experiences while supporting them in reframing thoughts, changing habits, breaking patterns, and getting out of cycles they may be stuck in. Navigating relationships during a pandemic can be hard. Give yourself more credit, and Happy Valentines Day! Resources: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, for desire/arousal in women. Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire by Lori Brotto Not Always In The Mood by Sarah Hunter Murray, for low desire in men and myths around male sexuality Esther Perel – Infidelity Written By: Raman Dhillon Raman Dhillon is the office strategist & digital content manager and helps assist our clinic/operations manager Jess. Raman has a background in Psychology & Literature from the University of Waterloo, and more recently a Post Graduate Degree in Mental Health and Addictions from Humber College. Raman has experience with client-centered intervention as well as holistic assessment. She’s very interested and well versed in different therapeutic approaches such as mindfulness, naturopathy, and art therapy. Raman loves merging her two passions, mental health, and art to convey messages, psychoeducation, and awareness to the masses.
Inner Balance: Time for Yourself 30 July 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Fitness, Guest Post, Inspiration, Life Coaching, Self Care Finding time for yourself is something we all struggle with, but it’s essential for peace of mind and mental wellbeing. If you want to know how those zen-like friends of yours do it, all you have to do is take a look at how they spend those precious few hours of spare time they get each week. It can be tempting to just pull out Facebook and see what everyone’s up to, but all that does is set your mind racing as you inundate yourself with information. Take a look at the following wise words and you’ll be able to enjoy every second of life as you restore your inner balance. Take Some Time to Just Sit and Listen to the Birds There’s a lot to be said for embracing boredom and leaving your phone in your pocket, so why not give it a try? It’s something we could all do with doing a little more often, and it’s a great way to start your day. Taking the time to make yourself a cup of coffee and sit outside in the garden is the ideal quiet start to what will likely prove to be a hectic day. It’s a chance to ground yourself, to relax, and to take in the simple things in life. If you do it every day for a week, it’ll become a key part of your daily routine that you can’t do without. Head to a Clinic for a Pampering Session Cosmetic clinics are the place to go to if you want to really pamper yourself. By having an expert use their skills to soothe your body and put your mind at ease you can get the best of both worlds. Ideal if you want to feel refreshed the moment you wake up the next morning. It’s also a great way to spend some time with the best friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with for ages now. Get together for some coffee beforehand, and then show each other the results of your latest beauty session. It won’t just help you love the way you look, it’ll also make you feel at home in your own skin as you centre yourself. Take a Walk Late in the Evening The evenings aren’t solely devoted to TV and social media if you don’t want them to be. Taking the dog for a walk as the sun goes down is a great way to let your hair down and enjoy one of the simple things in life. It’s a chance to get plenty of fresh air before bed, and the break from screens will give your eyes a chance to rest. Some people even leave their phone at home so they can totally disconnect for an hour so. Binge Watch Your Favourite Shows Despite what we just said in the last point, binge watching is one of the most fun ways to rest and relax. It allows you to immerse yourself in a whole new universe of entertainment, and to lose yourself in a story. If you find a series you’re hooked on, keep watching it. There’s nothing better than getting into a plot and picking out your favourite characters. Find a friend who’s watching the same show and you’ll have something to chat about when you meet up next week. Join the Gym and Take Pride in Your Fitness Joining the gym is a great way to restore your inner balance, and it’s easier to do than you might think. If you’re new to exercise it can feel intimidating going to a muscle bound gym, so why not go with a friend? You could avoid the peak hours straight after work, and go on the weekend morning for a little while as you build your confidence. One thing is for sure, once you start going and you see some gains, you’ll be hooked. It’ll give you confidence, balance, and something to focus on. Start Baking Healthy Sweet Treats Baking is a great mindful activity that will have you feeling at ease in no time at all. Pick a recipe you’ve been meaning to try, walk to the shop, and then get busy rustling up something amazing. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t nail it the first time — the key point is that you’ve got yourself moving and thinking about something new. Just by working with your hands you’ll be stimulating new parts of your brain that you don’t necessarily use during work hours. Take your pick from the options above, think about how you can fit them into your daily routine, and then dive in feet first. It might sound easier said than done, but when you make a start you’ll find you really don’t want to stop. It’ll certainly be worth it when you wake up relaxed and refreshed every single morning. About the Author: Rebecca is a translator by day, and a traveler mostly at night. She is an expert on living with jet lag – and packing in tiny suitcases. You can read more of her exploits at RoughDraft.
5 Work/Life Balance Tips for Incredible Mompreneurs 2 July 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Guest Post, Inspiration, Life Coaching, Self Care, Uncategorised Being a mom is never easy. Mom is also a nurse, a chef, and teacher. It brings immeasurable joy to the heart, but there’s no shame in admitting that sometimes things get really hard. When mom also has entrepreneurial ambitions, finding a work-life balance can be complicated because there’s her work on one side and her children on another. Add a significant other into the mix and things can get quite chaotic. Here are some tips on how to get work and life balance in order. 1. Exercise Sitting in the office all day can be a disaster for the back. Even if you work from home, chances are that you spend a lot of time sitting. It’s important to find some time off to work out. There are few ways to exercise: in a group, in pairs or individually. If time and money allow, go to a gym and find a personal trainer. In case that’s not possible, try working out at home or find a group of people to exercise with. Home workouts are also good since it lets you do it on your own terms. 2. Get organized Knowing when to do something and at what time can be immensely helpful for organizing day-to-day activities. Using containers to make meals in advance and vacuum bags will help you arrange your food and clothes for the week. Learn how to multi-task efficiently. For work, using a good project management tool can significantly reduce work-related stress. There are countless other apps that can be helpful in managing professional and personal activities, and if you’re more of an old-school type, then get a quality notebook planner and keep it with you all the time. 3. Learn to relax Doing laundry, cooking meals and reading bedtime stories is already exhausting, but when you add work deadlines and demanding clients, things get more difficult. That’s why it’s necessary to take some time off and loosen up a bit. Having a bath, reading, watching TV can be relaxing and energizing at the same time. Additionally, treating yourself for a professional massage experience can help you unwind and forget your daily worries, even only for a bit. Mental well-being is crucial to stay focused and thrive. Being alone can be beneficial for recollecting thoughts and decompressing. Also, having regular date nights with your spouse can help you two reconnect and add some zest to your marriage. 4. Know when to say no Being a mompreneur can be very empowering, however, shuffling work duties, money management, family responsibilities, and personal care can put you under significant strain, but it can be done as long as there are set boundaries. Especially if you’re the type everyone relies on. Being needed can be stimulating sometimes, but one must learn how to say no. Prioritizing tasks is what separates successful people from those who do everything for everybody. Remember that your family and your health should always come first. Everything else is less important. 5. Ask for help Having a great career or a business of your own is a notable achievement by itself. Adding a family to the mix can make things complete. But no matter how hard-working you are, there are times when you’ll feel tired. That’s fine and shouldn’t be treated as a failure. We all need a hand sometimes, even the mompreneurs. Asking for help is not something to be embarrassed about. Relying on your partner is much better and can help bring the family together. Also, being in touch with other mompreneurs can significantly help you learn and find support when you need it the most. After all, people who are similar to you can also understand you better and empathize with you on a deeper level. Just remember that being a superwoman doesn’t mean doing everything by yourself. Asking for help is crucial if you want to thrive in all aspects of your life. Written by: Sophia Smith Sophia Smith is a beauty blogger, eco-lifestyle lover, graphic designer and food enthusiast. She is focusing on minimalism and good quality. Her other hobbies center around her love for nature, well-being and living in balance. Sophia writes mostly about beauty-related topics in her blogs and articles. She has contributed to a number of publications including: Life Goals Mag, Savant Magazine, Secret Garden, Bonvita Style, Cause Artist and Book Meditation Retreats. You can find out more about her writing by following her on: Facebook Twitter Google +
3 Ways to Do Meditation: When You Feel Stress 18 June 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Guest Post, Self Care Are you someone who feels stressed out a lot? Then you are not alone. The world is a stressful place, and it can often have a major impact on the way that we live our lives. We often find that our lives are pressure-filled and stressful to the point where it can make it quite hard for us to do things as we would normally have intended. When you feel stressed, though, you can find it hard to get a solution. Some of us put our stress down to our diets and lifestyles, so we change how we eat and drink. We do what we can to stay hydrated, and we stop eating so many foods high in fats, sugars, and salts. However, when you feel like you aren’t making any progress through conventional lifestyle means, you might want to take a look at getting into a bout of meditation. One of the main issues that we find with meditation is that many people do not appreciate just how powerful it is as a source of mental wellness. Our mind is often the biggest barrier that we need to overcome if we wish to live our happiest, healthiest quality of life. Mediation has been shown to have a serious impact on that: the bottom line is that meditation is great for both physical and mental rejuvenation. Sound like a common problem? Then you should definitely look to the following three ways to do meditation. Alongside making other lifestyle changes like staying hydrated, cutting down on work hours, and being more productive in the hours we do work, the following forms of meditation are almost certain to help you live your happiest, healthiest life. So, what matters when you wish to take on meditation? How can various forms of meditation help with stress? 1. Focus with Concentrative Meditation Probably the best form of meditation to start with when you just need to find a focus is to start with some concentrative meditation. This means taking a single object, sound, mantra, whatever, and focusing on that entirely. Turning your thoughts to that entirely. For example, do you have holiday time coming up and you know you just need to get through the next 2-3 weeks to get there? Then focus your mind on the beach where you are going to be staying. Think about the location, the sights, the sounds, the soothing of the sand on your skin. It gives you an immense sense of focus when you have something so specific to concentrate on. A bit of focus and visualization can go a long, long way to making sure you can stay entirely focused on the task and journey at hand. Get used to doing that, and before long you will be in a much better place with regards to the quality and intensity of your ability to remain focused on the task at hand. 2. Rhythmic Movement and Mindful Exercise Another good place to start with meditation is with some exercise mixed in with the meditation itself. While most of us don’t imagine going for a run, a swim, or a cycling session can be particularly calming for the mind, it can be very good for us in some ways. We recommend that you find an exercise that you can do with repetition: for example, riding a bicycle on a stationary surface will ensure that you can rest, relax, and get into your own frame of thinking whilst working the body at the same time. Like many of us, though, you might find that you try to problem solve when you are working out. Instead, let yourself enjoy the repetition of the physical movement whilst letting your mind get a bit of a rest as well. Instead of thinking about what you will do in work tomorrow, think about all the things happening around you. Think about the feeling of your feet on the pedals, the picking up of the pace of your breathing, the way that your body adjusts and adapts to match and re-balance yourself. Exercise becomes more soothing when we just let ourselves think of the feelings that the exercise creates in the first place. When you try to exercise and do a bit of life organizing all at once, you will be very much likely to find it hard to make enough of a difference. Instead, concentrate on the repetitive movement and the feelings those movements create nothing else. Before long, your workouts will produce both mental relaxation and physical improvement! 3. Muscle Relaxation Lastly, one of the best ways to use meditation is to help make your muscles feel a bit more relaxed. Do you ever feel as if all of your muscles are tight and tense? That you cannot get any kind of relaxation in the arms and legs? Then you should look to try out using mediation to help with this. To do so, start working on each of the muscles that you feel needs help by simply tensing them up. Honestly, just try it! Tensing up a muscle – holding it as tense as you can, while taking in slow, deep breaths – is excellent for then relaxing the muscle. Our body will start to immediately let a tense muscle relax, and you will feel an immediate sense of relief and comfort as soon as you do so. By simply relaxing the muscles after tensing them up until the count of 10, you can start to feel a sense of total relief in a previously distressed muscle. Do this with one foot, then the other, then move up the body until you have tensed just about every muscle group that you can. About the Author: Jessica Max is the community manager at hydration calculator. She is a fitness writer. She uses her training to help other women struggling to get fit in mid-life. When not working, Jessica enjoys cycling and swimming.
Conquering Self-Doubt 3 June 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Inspiration, Self Care, Therapy Self-doubt is that awful voice in our head that tells us we can’t do something, that we won’t be successful, or that we will fail. Self-doubt is something that builds over time, maybe it developed from a chaotic childhood, a parent we couldn’t please, a time we failed at something, a relationship that didn’t work out, a rejection from a job, or even a person or loved one. Most of us deal with a form of self-doubt at some point in our lives. It is amazing to me how quickly our brains can automatically turn to doubt. These automatic thoughts often leave us stuck and holding ourselves back from achieving goals, when we should be taking risks in either our jobs or relationships and enjoying a fulfilling life. So what do we do to conquer self-doubt? The process itself isn’t an easy one, but can be very rewarding if you are able to consciously make an effort to combat it. Here are some tips to help you conquer your own self doubt 1. Recognize it exists – recognition is the impetus for any change. We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. When self-doubt rears its ugly head, pay attention to it. Acknowledge that it’s there, but work toward identifying that these negative thoughts aren’t facts. 2. Challenge the thought – if you went on a date with someone and they didn’t call you back, is your first assumption that the rejection was because of you? What if the person’s mother fell ill? Or their ex-partner contacted them and wanted to reconcile and give the relationship another chance. What if you got rejected for a job? Not because you weren’t qualified but because the company decided to take a different route due to budget cuts. There are many explanations that have absolutely no connection to you or your worth. 3. If your doubt is related to past mistakes, then acknowledge them, but remind yourself that the past is in the past. If we attempted something in the past and weren’t successful, it doesn’t mean that we won’t be successful now. We have grown since then, we have looked back on what didn’t work, and we have experienced some new learning since then. Instead of looming in your doubt, remind yourself of the things you did to overcome the failure from the past. 4. Think of some positive thoughts. Instead of looking at only what could go wrong, ask yourself what could go right. Give yourself some positive messages. Why are the negative ones the only ones you are allowing in? 5. DO NOT COMPARE. In the age of social media this is an important one. You have no idea what is happening in someone else’s life, they may have a great partner but hate their job, or may be dealing with a sick child or ailing parents. 6. Remember that we aren’t only our failures, we are also our successes. If you weren’t successful at something reflect on what you would do differently the next time. For example, if you don’t feel you did well at a job interview, how might you go about it differently next time. Could you practice with someone? Do more research about the position? Self doubt exists in all of us, maybe at different times and for different reasons, but all of us have it. The key is to work towards combating the things that are holding us back or keeping us stuck and causing us to beat ourselves up. If you continue to struggle, it may be best to speak with a therapist. They can provide you with additional tools to help you overcome self-doubt. Written by Bliss therapist Tammy Benwell. Learn more about Tammy and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here. If you liked this article on self-doubt, you might enjoy these too: What Does it Mean to be Authentic? Others Will Treat You the Way You Let Them – 3 Keys to Boundary Setting Why we Need to Stop “Agreeing to Disagree” Are you ready to speak with a therapist about some of the self-doubt you’ve been experiencing? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment at Bliss, you can do that here.
5 Mindfulness Practices from Powerful Women 29 April 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Guest Post, Inspiration, Life Coaching, Self Care Being stress-free in the 21stcentury is not all that easy. The pressure from work, family, exercise, studying and leaving some time to hang out with friends can be quite overwhelming. Our mind is constantly working, it has no pause, and the worst thing is that it is always creating different scenarios, making us feel anxious and depressed. It all sounds so negative and scary but with some tips on mindfulness, you can be one step closer to living a better life. There is a big difference between being lonely and alone Loneliness is the number one reason behind depression, according to many people. Not having somebody to share your troubles with or simply talk can severely damage even our brain function in addition to making us depressed. However, keep in mind that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are lonely. In fact, research shows that it is good for us to spend some time alone. The philosophy behind this is that we will get to know ourselves better. We will be in touch with our needs and wishes. When It comes to relationships, we will be sure that we are a part of it because we want to be, not because we are lonely and in need of a companion. It might sound cheesy, but get to know and love yourself first, only then will you be able to have meaningful connections. Don’t be too hard on yourself Self-criticism can be a good thing if used correctly. You should look at everything you do objectively and you shouldn’t praise yourself if you have done something wrong. But there is a line that has to be drawn somewhere. A line where you will stop with negative thoughts and turn more towards self-support. Whatever the reason may be: you haven’t accomplished something you wanted to by a certain age or you feel like a failure in some way, always keep in mind that there is time. So, give it some time, pick yourself up, and start from where you left off. Simply by trying you will feel much better. Overthinking is our biggest enemy Rationalizing your problems, tasks, and everyday life is very effective. Thinking ahead also. However, overthinking is something you should step away from. By doing that we are creating additional problems that we don’t already have. As opposed to doing this, stay in the present. Think about what your current situation is, and, to put it simply, go with the flow. Learn to resolve your problems once they really do become a problem, not in advance. Take some burden off yourself and enjoy life day by day. Pampering yourself is not a luxury A connection exists between your mind and body, even scientists think so. Before thinking about taking care of your body, make some time for your mind as well. Simple things are quite effective, like reading a book, decorating, listening to music or being with people who inspire you. Once we have settled this, the body will follow, although it wouldn’t hurt to help a bit. Even if you think that you are indulging way too much if you book a spa treatment or get a manicure, the truth is that sometimes this kind of spoiling is exactly what you need. In addition to being in touch with your nature and character, it is important to take care of your physical appearance in order to feel good. It doesn’t need to be anything luxurious as long as it is within natural product lines. Even better, something like cruelty free makeup lets you take care of your appearance while still feeling good about the products you use. And don’t worry, because there is a big market to choose from. Breathing exercises and mediation If you are into meditation or yoga, practicing it is most certainly beneficial for both your physical and mental health. But don’t get too caught up in the traditional meaning of meditation. If you like lying on the bedroom floor and listening to music or cleaning to help with anxiety, then, by all means, do it. It can be your own version of mediation. The form is not important as long as it makes you feel better. The whole concept of mindfulness is not to suppress our thoughts, but to enjoy experiences in life without overthinking. Written by: Sophia Smith Sophia Smith is a beauty blogger, eco-lifestyle lover, graphic designer and food enthusiast. She is focusing on minimalism and good quality. Her other hobbies center around her love for nature, well-being and living in balance. Sophia writes mostly about beauty-related topics in her blogs and articles. She has contributed to a number of publications including: Life Goals Mag, Savant Magazine, Secret Garden, Bonvita Style, Cause Artist and Book Meditation Retreats. You can find out more about her writing by following her on: Facebook Twitter Google +
Book Review: The Whole-Brain Child 17 April 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Book Recommendations If you enjoy reading, it is likely that you already understand the therapeutic nature of a good book. At Bliss Counselling, we also recognize the power of reading and the numerous benefits that books provide for us. Reading can encourage individual growth, develop or strengthen empathy, teach us better ways of interacting with the world, or provide much-needed support in difficult times. Below is my review of a recent book recommended to me from Bliss therapist Jenna Luelo! Book Reviewed The Whole−Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. What It’s About The book provides 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture a child’s developing mind. Why You Should Read It I think this book is great for any parent, caregiver or anyone who has an interest in learning more about the developing brain! As a parent, it can be challenging when we are confronted the strong emotions from our children. I enjoyed this book because I believe that it helps us to interpret what is happening in a child’s mind when they are experiencing extreme emotions such as fear or anger. It is a fantastic reminder that sometimes a child is not able to connect their “upstairs brain” (reasoning skills) with their more intense emotions. Each chapter in the book describes twelve revolutionary strategies that can be used with children. Below is a link to a quick guide outlining each strategy mentioned in the book: A Quick Guide of Strategies Favourite Quote “Imagine a peaceful river running through the countryside. That’s your river of well-being. Whenever you’re in the water, peacefully floating along in your canoe, you feel like you’re generally in a good relationship with the world around you. You have a clear understanding of yourself, other people, and your life. You can be flexible and adjust when situations change. You’re stable and at peace. Sometimes, though, as you float along, you veer too close to one of the river’s two banks. This causes different problems, depending on which bank you approach. One bank represents chaos, where you feel out of control. Instead of floating in the peaceful river, you are caught up in the pull of tumultuous rapids, and confusion and turmoil rule the day. You need to move away from the bank of chaos and get back into the gentle flow of the river. But don’t go too far, because the other bank presents its own dangers. It’s the bank of rigidity, which is the opposite of chaos. As opposed to being out of control, rigidity is when you are imposing control on everything and everyone around you. You become completely unwilling to adapt, compromise, or negotiate. Near the bank of rigidity, the water smells stagnant, and reeds and tree branches prevent your canoe from flowing in the river of well-being. So one extreme is chaos, where there’s a total lack of control. The other extreme is rigidity, where there’s too much control, leading to a lack of flexibility and adaptability. We all move back and forth between these two banks as we go through our days—especially as we’re trying to survive parenting. When we’re closest to the banks of chaos or rigidity, we’re farthest from mental and emotional health. The longer we can avoid either bank, the more time we spend enjoying the river of well-being. Much of our lives as adults can be seen as moving along these paths—sometimes in the harmony of the flow of well-being, but sometimes in chaos, in rigidity, or zigzagging back and forth between the two. Harmony emerges from integration. Chaos and rigidity arise when integration is blocked.” Written by Jill Stroeder
The Not So Secret Ingredient Every Relationship Needs to Thrive 3 April 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships There are many components that most healthy relationships need to thrive including communication, intimacy and honesty. The one element that remains at the top of relationship experts’ lists is trust. Trust is incredibly important to the success and fulfillment of all relationships, especially intimate or romantic ones. Whether you believe that trust is something to be earned or something that’s given freely until proven otherwise, it is true that we all carry around pieces of our past in some way or another. Perhaps we’re unconsciously referring back to lessons we learned as kids from the adult role models or parents in our lives. Maybe we’re having trouble learning to trust a new partner, rebuild trust in a partner, or even prove that we are trustworthy. Trust is necessary for healthy relationships to grow. Trusting your partner means you can count on them. It’s knowing for sure that they’ll do their best to get your takeout order right at the Thai restaurant on Friday night. It’s also about having faith that they’d pick you up if you were stranded on the side of the road and that they’ll handle any vulnerable information you share with care. Mutual trust means that they can count on you for all of the same reasons. Trust and communication go like peanut butter and jelly—you need both. And for an intimate relationship to grow deeper, you can’t have one without the other. Wherever you and your partner(s) are on the spectrum of trust—it’s often something that can be further enriched over time. So how do you do that? Here are some top tips we share with clients in relationship coaching. Showing your trust Even though the early stages of a fresh new relationship are filled with fun, they can also be filled with worry. Perhaps you’ve hesitantly sent a text and then didn’t hear back and the thoughts running through your head run from, “They don’t really like me,” to “They’re seeing someone else,” only to hear back, “Sorry! I was just driving!” The good news is that you’re not alone. Everyone has experienced something similar at one point or another in a past or current relationship. The early stage of a new relationship is the most essential time to focus on building trust between one another. Starting your relationship with honesty and transparency in all of your communication can go a long way. Do what you say you’re going to do One of the simplest ways to build trust is to follow through and merely do what you said you were going to do. When your partner(s) can rely on you to show up, be consistent, dependable, and honest, these easy actions will serve you for your entire relationship together. And if you happen to make a mistake (don’t worry, we all do), make it right as quickly as possible, apologize, and then avoid repeating that same blunder. Repair trust in a relationship Once broken, trust can be repaired—though not always easy, or quick. Regardless of the reason for needing to rebuild trust, you can make efforts to repair what’s been broken (in some cases). You can’t, however, control how the person you hurt or offended by breaking the trust will react, or even be sure that they want to correct what has happened. Regardless of the receptiveness of your partner(s), the most important move is to take responsibility right away—and doing it without acting in defense. It helps to show the other person that you value the relationship and want to make an effort to move forward while respecting the others’ needs. How to handle it if your partner doesn’t trust you If your partner doesn’t trust you, try to keep in mind that it’s about them—not you. Even if you trust your partner, you may have a trust discrepancy in your relationship. And it can be frustrating when nothing you seem to do can help reassure your partner that you’re trustworthy. Avoid taking it personally if you can, and know that it’s not a reflection on your behaviour (assuming you’ve been trustworthy). Then, all you can do is continue to show just how reliable you are. This can feel tiring if your partner is doubting you, but worth the effort if you value the relationship. Lastly, if your partner betrayed your trust and you’re feeling like it’s irreparable—it very well might be. Every situation and every relationship is unique. We’re here for you if you need to talk this through. Written by Bliss Sex & Relationship Therapist, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here. If you liked this article on trust you might enjoy these too: What Does it Mean to be Authentic? Others Will Treat You the Way You Let Them —3 Keys to Boundary-Setting How to Ask for the Sex you Want in 8 Completely Practical Tips Do you have any questions about trust in your relationship? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here.
5 Tips to Feel More Grateful and Blissful 18 March 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Guest Post, Individual Therapy, Inspiration, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy No one is immune to the stress of everyday life. The grind we face at work, the conflicts we encounter (and often cause) in personal relationships, the dissatisfaction with our selfhood – it all plays havoc with how aware we are of the true beauty that life holds. We miss the grateful smile of a waiter whom you tipped, the elderly couple celebrating their half-a-century of togetherness, and we’re blind to the beauty of an urban sunset, too busy rushing to catch our bus. While it’s true that all of your troubles and their gravity can cause you emotional turmoil, we all have the ability and numerous opportunities every day to become more open to the wonders of life and feel genuinely grateful for them. It’s like finding your little safe haven of bliss in the eye of a storm: and here are the five ways to become more attuned to your inner child, one amazed and grateful for life even amidst chaos. Find your words Our mind is shaped by the words we use to describe ourselves. When you find yourself feeling guilty over a mistake you’ve made, you further exasperate the emotion and hurt your self-perception by “rubbing it in” with harsh language and self-deprecating thoughts. It becomes automatic, so we curse and complain and punish ourselves for the smallest of failings, no matter how human they are. We set impossible standards and expectations. And we always focus on our shortcomings, even when we do succeed. Being more grateful should start within, by choosing a different language to describe yourself and your accomplishments. Would you ever use those stern words to comfort your friend for their recent failure? You wouldn’t even use the word failure in all likelihood. Start writing your words down, and start reshaping your self-descriptions with more love and more encouragement. It will ultimately help you perceive yourself as the worthy, imperfect, incredible person that you are. Nurture your closest bonds As our lives develop, we spend so much of our time on distractions rather than our life’s substance and its deepest meaning. We’ll spend more time scrolling our Facebook feed than talking to our loved ones, or watching TV instead of visiting our family. Our parents are perfect examples of this digital abyss we’ve fallen into: they have helped us build our independence, and now we find ourselves mesmerized by the irrelevant, too busy to express our gratitude for such unspoken gifts. While it’s true that holidays shouldn’t be the only time to show our gratitude for our family members, if you take the time to peruse through Mother’s Day gifts in order to find the perfect one for your mom, you’ll let your actions speak for you to express your gratitude. When it’s evident from the gift itself that you haven’t treated it as another chore, but as an opportunity to express your love, your family will know and appreciate the gesture. Remember, every day is Mother’s Day. So perhaps while we wait for May 12th, a phone call is in order? Take a deep breath The fact that some things go without saying, such as your mom’s love and affection, does not mean that we should take them for granted. Breathing, for instance, is a perfect example of something we take for granted that has an incredible ability to heal us. One of the best ways to nurture your mindfulness every day is to include breathing exercises paired with affirmations. They will not only help you soothe your anxieties in the moment of practice, but they’ll also help you become more mindful of your every moment of every day. You’ll start noticing your stress triggers and you’ll have better control of your experience, you’ll learn how to let go of resentment and focus on the present moment. Forgive yourself as well as others While we’re on the topic of resentment, we spend too much of our time stressing over what we’ve done wrong or what was done to us in the past. The simple truth is that the only way you’ll ever have the chance to enjoy your present is if you let go of the past – it has already shaped you to an extent, we all have moments we regret, but they needn’t taint our present and our future as well. Forgiveness is the only vessel we need to give ourselves a chance to fully enjoy our present, and the only vessel we need in order to outgrow our past self. If you let anger or regret permeate your entire life, you relinquish control to those negative emotions and the events that have caused them – forgiveness means taking back control over your life. Make a difference Finally, sometimes we need and should get a different perspective in order to fully grasp the value of our lives. Ask what you can do for others, how you can make a difference for others, and let your ego deflate a little bit – you and I are not the only creatures that matter in this universe. If you can do something to help others, whether it’s helping your elderly neighbor clean their garden or donate your clothes to those in need, you’ll quickly contribute to a valuable cause and give yourself a new vantage point, one of appreciation. Life is indeed too short to spend it on resentments. Use these simple tips to help yourself feel more grateful, and you’ll unleash an avalanche of bliss into your life, no matter how many hardships you face in the future. Written by: Sophia Smith Sophia Smith is a beauty blogger, eco-lifestyle lover, graphic designer and food enthusiast. She is focusing on minimalism and good quality. Her other hobbies center around her love for nature, well-being and living in balance. Sophia writes mostly about beauty-related topics in her blogs and articles. She has contributed to a number of publications including: Life Goals Mag, Savant Magazine, Secret Garden, Bonvita Style, Cause Artist and Book Meditation Retreats. You can find out more about her writing by following her on: Facebook Twitter Google +
Stop the Worry Trance and Simplify Your Choices 5 March 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Inspiration, Self Care, Therapy I’m currently renovating my living room and wanted to paint the walls a shade of white. There are almost 100 different shades of white. I felt overwhelmed while at the paint store, I wanted to choose a colour that would make the living room lighter and brighter. I decided to pick “pebble white”, but questioned whether I had made the best decision or not. You may not be experiencing a paint dilemma right now, but perhaps you have had to make a choice related to your health, school, parenting, finances, relationships, work, travelling or planning an event recently that resulted in anxious feelings. Research is showing that more choices are leading to increased accounts of self-blame and depression. The happiness equation by Neil Pasricha describes that, “We are exhausted by making decisions. We want to go to the movie theatre with the most movies playing, we like the restaurants with the long menu. Having more choice reduces our happiness. We get decision fatigue. We avoid the decision or we make a bad decision and we always worry we made the wrong choice.” I really started to understand choice fatigue after travelling to India. I travelled to the Himalayans and stayed at an Ashram. I used the same plate and spoon at every meal. I had a bucket of water to wash my clothes at the end of the day. I wore the same clothing almost every day. It was a cultural adjustment at first, however I enjoyed the simplicity of it, which created more clarity and focus. There is a reason why Steve Jobs wore a black t-shirt every day, and the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, also embraces a simple clothing style. Simplifying your clothing choices at the start of your day gives you more brainpower for other decisions. Researchers at Columbia University discovered a striking pattern while looking at the verdicts reached by judges in the Israeli court system. Prisoners that were seen in the morning for charges of fraud and assault received parole 65% of the time. Prisoners who appeared late in the day for similar cases received parole less then 10% of the time. There were other common variables noticed in the study, if the judge had taken a lunch break, the cases after the break-received parole 60% of the time. Each choice you make depletes your energy. As you become more fatigued, you’re more likely to make decisions with less clarity. If you’re curious about other choice fatigue research studies, then you may want to read the book Willpower by Roy Raumeister and John Tierney. There is a Ted Talk on the paradox of choice by Barry Schwartz, which describes that choices can produce paralysis instead of liberation. I didn’t fully understand this until my experience in a third world country. When I was staying in India there was only one store in walking distance. At the store there was only one face wash to choose from, you were lucky to find a roll of toilet paper, and only one cold beverage was available – coconut water. Unlike the corner stores here in North America, where we are inundated with 100 different drink options, having only one choice made the selection process very easy. This saved me time, mental exhaustion, and overall I appreciated every drop of that delicious cold coconut water. Having an abundance of choices can lead to depression. When you enter a grocery store and have over 100 different drink options, you can feel paralyzed over what choice to make. Once that choice is finally made, then you may even start to ponder if a different choice would have been better, which can lead to self-blame and depression. So, what can you do to combat the choice fatigue that leaves you exhausted day after day? Below are seven daily tips to create more brainpower! 1. Eating the same thing every day. I enjoy eating oatmeal every day, and when I start to get bored I spice it up with some cinnamon, almond milk and apples! 2. Wearing the same thing. I choose to wear solid colours, and will wear the same cozy clothes each week, rotating approximately 30 items. 3. Embrace daily routines. I enjoy making myself a schedule for the next day the night before. I will plan out a yoga class to attend in the morning, make a grocery list and will meal plan every Monday. I make one soup every week, and will make an abundant amount to take to work with me each day for the week. 4. Limit choices. Fewer choices lead to more time for other things. Reserve your energy for time that matters. I enjoy attending a yoga class before going to work. The yoga instructor creates the flow and instructs me to move from pose to pose. I feel energized when I leave and have more focus and clarity for other decisions during my day. 5. Single-tasking. Schedule time each day to check your email and provide a response. I check my email twice a day, once at 7am and again at the end of the day. I allocate a 30-minute window to go though my email and provide a response. I keep this time distraction free so I can focus on each person to provide the best response. 6. Focus on your intention instead of the outcome. When I injured my IT Band, I had difficulty walking for almost two months. I really wanted my leg to heal so that I could be pain free and move about my day easily. I felt disappointed and sad that it wasn’t healing faster. I had stopped my yoga practice and started float therapy. In order to address the disappointment that I was experiencing, I changed my mindset. Instead of focusing on the outcome I focused on my intention, which was to relieve stress and sooth my pain. Once I became intention focused, I valued and enjoyed the experience of float therapy much more. I stopped focusing on the outcome and enjoyed being in the moment, floating on water like a frog lounging on a lily pad. 7. Trust your intuition! Recently during my home renovations, I was debating whether or not I should keep the popcorn ceiling in my living room. I made a poll on Instagram to see what others thought, but before looking at the results I had already made the decision to embrace the popcorn ceiling. Many people voted not to keep the popcorn ceiling, which made me ponder whether or not I was making the right choice. In the end, I stayed true to my decision to embrace the popcorn ceiling because it not only saved me time and money, but also added character to my living room. Have faith in the decisions you make and trust your gut! “May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.” – Nelson Mandela Written by Bliss therapist Stacey Harris. Learn more about Stacey and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here!
7 Relationship Challenges Therapists See All the Time 28 January 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Therapy In a new relationship, everything feels fresh and fun. You anticipate dates for days in advance with butterflies in your heart and are uncovering all these goodies about each other every day. It’s like unwrapping your birthday gifts all year long. Over time, as you grow closer and more familiar with one another you’re likely to run into some bumps in the road. In couples therapy, we work with clients on these kinds of issues—big, small, and everything in between, every day. So first, know that you’re not the only ones running up against these challenges. Next, based on our work with couples who have navigated or are still finding their way around these tricky spots, here are the top challenges that pop up most often between couples, and how to approach them: 1. Your partner has some bad habits (and it’s grating on your nerves) Perhaps your partner has a habit of leaving dishes on the counter or leaving empty rolls of toilet paper for you to change. At first, these little quirks didn’t bother you much. Maybe you noticed but didn’t pay it much attention. Perhaps you’ve even mentioned it a few times thinking they’d change their ways. Well, here you are months or years later and nothing has really changed. Loving your partner(s) means learning to fully accept less than desirable habits. You could keep falling down the irritation trap and mention the toilet paper or the dishes thing every time it happens. Or, after not noticing changes, you could learn to let insignificant things go. If your partner is engaging in any kind of behaviour that’s truly hurtful, harmful, or crosses any of your boundaries, then your communication will need to be more direct. This also may be a good time to bring in a couples therapist. 2. You may argue about your families Your partner chose you but they can’t choose their family. Though at times, maybe you wish you could send some family members back, but that’s not helping to strengthen your communication with your partner. Family is often a sensitive topic between couples, and there’s a lot that comes into play here, from upbringing, culture, and what one partner deems as “normal” family stuff. Boundaries are helpful in all relationships, and especially ones where family members may be causing a problem. 3. Your partner can’t fill all the shoes We might have a long list of demands of our partners. We require them to be the love of our lives, be romantic, be our sexual partners, parenting partners, best friends, and even financial advisors. It’s not possible or necessarily even healthy for one person to tick all the boxes on another’s list of demands. We all have many needs, and need a variety of people in our lives to fill these different roles. 4. Your desire will fluctuate If your sensual encounters were toe-curling in the early months of your relationship, and then one of you suddenly lost interest a few months down the road, this is totally normal. Our lives are in a perpetual state of change, including our sexual desires. There are many things that can affect our fluctuating desire levels, from family, stress, work, and a jam-packed schedule. A mismatch in desire creeps into the healthiest of intimate relationships and that’s perfectly natural. Sometimes couples need to let go of the idea that sex is the end goal, and learn to find more pleasure in all the other ways they can be intimate together. In our practice, we work with couples to help them communicate what’s going on behind a desire discrepancy, and work with them to find a new groove that works for them. 5. Money may be a source of conflict Once financials co-mingle, this can be an added stressor for many couples. When people come together in a relationship, they each bring their own ideals, values, and perceptions of money and how it should be spent, saved, and handled. We often recommend alleviating financial tension by having clients act like more of a team to handle any money issues and decisions as they come up. 6. Work might get in the way When you first started dating, perhaps you or your partner would drop everything for a chance to go out to dinner. As you got more comfortable in your relationship, other competing priorities likely crept in. Perhaps even a promotion or new job calls for more attention than in the past. Regardless of the reason for the change, work might come up as a point of contention at one point in your relationship. 7. Staying faithful is hard work You or your partner may inevitably become attracted to others, and you may even find yourself wondering if you made the right partner choice. The essential point to keep in mind is that while staying monogamous can feel hard at times, it’s worth the effort if it’s something both of you value. Alternatively, a sex-positive relationship therapist can support you in exploring consensual non-monogamy. As you spend more time in an intimate relationship, know that every bump you encounter has the power to help you deepen and strengthen your connection. Staying mindful of everyone’s feelings, keeping communication kind and honest, and putting a deliberate effort into your relationship can help you come out the other side of any troubles even closer than you were before. Written by Bliss sexologist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “Tips From the Couch”here. If you enjoyed this article you might like these too: How to start a meaningful conversation about sex Others will treat you the way you let them —3 keys to boundary-setting Sex therapy virgin? What to expect Do you have any questions for us? Or do you need some help with creating healthy habits in your relationship? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here.
The Health Benefits of Living a Mindful Life 21 January 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Guest Post, Inspiration, Self Care, Therapy In the modern-day bustle of living, mindfulness doesn’t always come easy. We’re tired, distracted, and always rushing to get something done, and it’s rare for us to stop and take a pause, to really analyze everything that’s going on around us. But if we want to improve our quality of life, then mindfulness is necessary and we have to stop making excuses—it’s time to slow down and assess our situation, it’s time to start taking better care of our mental and physical health. Becoming mindful is a process that brings many benefits, and if you’re interested in how it can transform you, we’re here to show you. You’ll become true to yourself Humans are social creatures. While this is a good thing that makes it easier to live in a community, sometimes it can also mean the loss of individuality and a damaged sense of self—we try so hard to please everyone and it’s easy to get caught up in our thoughts, feelings, and insecurities to the point that they start ruining our lives. Rather than wondering what will make us happy in this moment, we think about what will look good, what will be socially accepted. Rather than nurturing our own unique selves, we attempt to stifle that energy and mold it into something more agreeable. This is exactly what mindfulness can help with—instead of chipping away at your individuality, it can help you lift it up and remind you why it’s so important to stay true to yourself. Happiness doesn’t lie in pandering to everyone else, no matter how much you love them. It lies in the knowledge that you are the master of your own fate, and it’s on you to make the best of what life has to offer. You’ll learn how to take care of your needs When you start nurturing your spirit, you’ll remember that you must take care of your needs before doing anything else. Mindfulness will help you realize that taking time off and doing things that are good for your health isn’t a mere indulgence. No, it’s absolutely essential. If you want a good example of how important it is to develop self-care strategies, look at Asian cultures. In China, there’s a great emphasis on things like massage therapy, acupuncture, and hydrotherapy as a way to improve wellness. A lot of people have developed a habit of going to a good spa salon when life gets overwhelming, and it’s becoming as common as going to a doctor when you get sick. It’s not just a treat, it’s a health strategy. If you want to care for yourself, consider doing something similar. Figure out what ails you, what needs to be fixed, what kind of things relax you and make you happy. If reading books puts you in a good mood, the find the time to read. Exercise, eat well, and do what needs to be done to keep your mental and physical health in good shape. You’ll reduce anxiety in your life Since all of these things are connected, living in the moment and focusing on what’s right in front of you will undoubtedly make you a lot less anxious. You won’t keep worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet, you won’t keep remembering embarrassing mistakes from the past. You’ll look at what’s happening right now and you’ll know how to enjoy it. Your relationships will improve Once you’re connected to the energy around you and all your needs are met, it’s a lot easier to practice empathy and understand those that are close to you. Patience and gentleness that come from being mindful open up a path towards better communication, and very often talking it out with your loved ones is all you need to improve your relationship. Knowing yourself will also help you know other people better—you’ll understand their fears, insecurities, and generally what makes them tick. You’ll know how to deal with an unpleasant situation and create stronger bonds. Years of pent up anger and bitterness could finally dissipate because you’ll learn how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and you’ll learn to let toxic people go and stick only to those who release positive energy into your life. You’ll feel more attractive Mindfulness means being in control of your emotions and knowing your own truth. Instead of being plagued by doubt and insecurities, you’ll be able to let those go and embrace and celebrate all of your positive sides. The confidence gained from that is a huge boost to how good you feel in your own skin. You’ll simply become aware of your own worth, and that is something unshakable. Leading a mindful life is within your reach. Through meditation, self-care, and other activities that help you live in the moment. Once you learn to let go of the past and stop fretting about the future you’ll be able to finally see what’s going on around you—a whole world of beauty and success that’s just waiting for you to embrace it. Written by: Sophia Smith Sophia Smith is a beauty blogger, eco-lifestyle lover, graphic designer and food enthusiast. She is focusing on minimalism and good quality. Her other hobbies center around her love for nature, well-being and living in balance. Sophia writes mostly about beauty-related topics in her blogs and articles. She has contributed to a number of publications including: Life Goals Mag, Savant Magazine, Secret Garden, Bonvita Style, Cause Artist and Book Meditation Retreats. You can find out more about her writing by following her on: Facebook Twitter Google +