What Does it Mean to be Authentic? 22 October 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Inspiration, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy “Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” – Brené Brown Being authentic means feeling comfortable sharing your flaws and failures as much as your triumphs and successes, and that you don’t need to be liked by others to feel as though you matter. It is a true recognition that you matter regardless of what others think, and being able to embrace your weaknesses as much as your strengths. Being authentic means not striving to be what others expect us to be, or even what we think we are supposed to be, but rather loving the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. It means knowing that we can form opinions on our own, and to voice those opinions in a way that holds true to our values. Most importantly, being authentic means staying true to our core values, even when they are different from someone else’s. We have all had those moments where we faked being happy when what we really wanted to do was fall apart. Why do we do that? Because we have been programmed to believe that who we are isn’t enough, and that how we feel isn’t ok. We are taught very early in life that people will only truly like us if we present them with something that feels good to them. This fear often holds us back from being authentically ourselves. Imagine arriving to work, and when asked “how are you today?” you actually respond with how you are feeling; “I am feeling awful, my kids were having complete meltdowns” or maybe it sounds like, “my morning was horrible, my husband and I got into an argument”. Most of us would never say these things, even though they are exactly what we are experiencing and feeling. Of course there may be some people you aren’t willing to share that information with, and that’s okay too! Being authentic means doing and sharing what we feel when we want to, and with whom we want to share that with. Being authentic means not being scared to share those feelings in order to make others more comfortable, and sharing what we want to based on what we may need in that moment. Lastly, I want to emphasize that being authentic isn’t something that we have to search for, it is being exactly who we are. To each person this will look different, and that is what is so beautiful about authenticity! Written by Bliss therapist Tammy Benwell. Learn more about Tammy and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here. If you liked this article you might enjoy these too: Others Will Treat You The Way You Let Them – 3 Keys to Boundary Setting Good News: There’s No Such Thing As Bad Feelings Why We Need to Stop “Agreeing to Disagree” Do you have any questions for us? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here.
Cannabis in Canada 17 October 2018 Kelly McDonnell-Arnold No comments Categories: Therapy If you didn’t know, today is a big day for Canada as marijuana is now legal on a national level! Here at Bliss, we want to take the opportunity to both celebrate and provide some further information on this new legislation. Although cannabis has been legalized nationally, the laws surrounding legal consumption will vary depending on which province and city you live in. It is your responsibility to know the laws in your city. Some information can be found HERE. We also want to express the importance of safe consumption. Like alcohol, the laws surrounding cannabis are intended to protect and support appropriate use. At Bliss, we want to remind our readers that the age limits of both alcohol and cannabis are extremely important in order to protect youth as their minds continue to develop. At Bliss, we want to welcome our clients to speak with us about this new legislation. Whether you are interested in exploring cannabis use, or feel unsure about how to navigate this new legislation, we are here to support you! We feel that at this time, it is crucial to address the importance of having a healthy relationship with cannabis consumption, and we would like to encourage our adult clients who are interested in marijuana to feel comfortable speaking with us about this topic! We are also willing to work with those who are interested in exploring their concerns about this new legislation, and addressing the difference between healthy and unhealthy consumption. Remember that there are community supports available to you to help work toward a better understanding of cannabis and the laws surrounding its legalization in Canada. Are you interested in attaining your higher self? Feel free to do so with the support of Bliss Counselling!
How to Handle Financial Stress in your Relationship 1 October 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Communication, Individual Therapy, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Therapy It’s no secret that money problems can be a huge source of relationship strife — in fact, most surveys report money as the main source of stress in a relationship, and it’s easy to see why. If the money isn’t there, it can seep into every part of your life and affect every part of your day. From grocery shopping, to a friend’s birthday, to what you think about before you go to sleep, money is always there. It’s an incredibly difficult scenario to be in — but new research shows that it affects some of us more than others. Recent research from The Harris Poll and Ally Bank surveyed more than 1,400 American adults about where their relationship stress was coming from. Unsurprisingly, money came out on top. But in an interesting twist, the research found that young Americans were twice as likely as older Americans to say that money was the biggest cause of stress. While 44 percent of the younger adult group pointed to money, only 23 percent of the older adults said the same. With housing prices skyrocketing in recent decades and a pool of student loan debt you could drown in, Millennials are feeling the financial strain far more than Baby Boomers. The most difficult part? Well, as we know, money doesn’t grow on trees. If you’re already stretched to your limit and an unexpected bill lands on your door, there’s no magic fix. But there are things you can do to help keep money stress from wrecking your relationship. Here’s what you need to know: Educate Yourself Many of us are not financially savvy — because we simply didn’t receive the education. For some reason, we spent way more time on the Pythagorean theorem than learning about how to save money or file our taxes (and it’s pretty obvious which one we actually need as adults). If you haven’t already learned how to do these things, then you need to educate yourself. And, if your partner’s spending is stressing you out, remember that they probably need some help, too. “Most of the time, bad money habits come from either a lack of education because this stuff isn’t taught in school — which isn’t your fault of your partner’s,” Priya Malani, co-founder of Stash Wealth, a wealth management company, told Brides. “Seek out education and advice so you can see the financial impact of current behavior on your future self.” This might mean seeing a financial advisor, if you’re in a position to do so. If money’s too tight for that, start by checking out some money-saving websites and basic financial advice. There’s so much available online, so use it! Talk About Money — Think “Little And Often” Talking about money can take on a larger-than-life quality in some relationships. Maybe you never talk about it and you don’t know where to start — or maybe money is so stressful that every time it comes up it sends you both towards a meltdown. Either way, it’s time to normalize talking money. Start discussing it as early as you can in a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be in these huge, awkward conversations. “Little and often” is how you should talk about money, with small comments that bring it up on a regular basis. Whether it’s, “I’m really tight this month, do you mind if we don’t go out for dinner?” to “I really want to sort out my 401k and I don’t know where to start” or even, “I don’t think we can afford as big of a trip this year, should we sit down and crunch the numbers?” These little moments will normalize how you talk about money, so you’ll be in a better position for the big conversations. Look At Your Shared Expenses If you and your partner are serious, it may be time to have a look at your shared expenses. Maybe you each pay for a couple of the bills, maybe you transfer money into a joint account every month. Either way, going through the numbers together and looking for ways to save money — like changing to a new gas or electric company or cancelling that cable subscription you don’t use — can be a good way to open up the conversation about money and make sure you’re on the same page. Start Saving The best thing you can do to relieve your money stress it to start saving — yes, right now. It may not be a lot, it may seem totally insignificant, but it can be something. Even just twenty dollars a month adds up to $240 over the course of the year — which is a nice little cushion to have. If you have the means, putting a little away for retirement and a little away for money for something fun — a trip, a new purchase, or a house deposit — will help incentivize you to save. Focus On An Emergency Fund First Although day-to-day money stress can be excruciating, a lot of the panic and frustration comes in when you get an unexpected expense. The car breaks down, your child needs a filling, or you need a plumber to come and fix that hole that’s gotten way too big — whatever it is, it can be incredibly stressful and throw your entire equilibrium out of whack. If you can get together an emergency fund of even a few hundred dollars (more if you can afford it), you’ll be covered when an unexpected bill hits. Just make sure you replenish your emergency fund as quickly as you can. If money is tight for you and your partner, it’s totally normal for that to be a source of stress — but it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship. Educate yourself about managing your finances and get comfortable talking about money — because that’s half the battle. Written by Bliss therapist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. We know that talking to your partner about money can be uncomfortable, and having a third party to help navigate these difficult conversations can be extremely helpful! Our Bliss therapists are happy to help! Book an appointment here.
Sexy Friday: Pre-teen Sex-Ed and Healthcare Accessibility for Transgender Individuals 28 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Sexy Fridays, Therapy This week, join us for another Sexy Friday to talk about pre-teen sex education and healthcare accessibility for transgender individuals. On this episode, Kelly is joined by Stacey Jacobs again, a sexual health education manager at Sexual Health Options, Resources & Education – SHORE Centre. Deanna Clatworthy, nurse and clinical manager at HIV/AIDS Resources and Community Health (ARCH), in Guelph, Ontario is also on the show today to discuss the healthcare needs and supports available to transgender individuals. Stacey addresses talking to pre-teens about sex, and taking advantage of the many resources available to us. She explains that we shouldn’t avoid answering a question simply because we don’t know the answer. We have access to resources to help us answer these questions, so we should be working toward finding the proper answer to the questions our children ask, instead of avoiding or guessing the correct answer. Another very important suggestion Stacey makes is to watch TV shows and videos with your children. This ensures that you are aware of what they are watching, and can help them navigate complicated or incomplete information. Make sure to be engaged with them, ask them questions about what they are watching and challenge them to critically view the program to challenge the stereotypes. Allow them to talk about gender, gender roles and gender expression, and most importantly, let your child be themselves. Deanna joins Kelly to share with us the health care support that is available to transgender folks, and the knowledge that community members should be responsible for seeking out to ensure a comfortable environment for all. She also talks about gender affirming surgeries, providing further information on what surgeries are accessible and paid for, and the obstacles or lack of support that people may experience during this process. Finally, Deanna addresses the importance of using appropriate language, “It doesn’t cost you anything to call someone by their preferred name, but it means everything to them”. Watch the full episode for more information on these very important topics HERE! Guest Information: Stacey Jacobs Instagram: @shorecentrewr Deanna Clatworthy Twitter: @ARCHguelph
Bliss Specialists Answer Questions About the Intensive Sex Therapy Training Program 17 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Therapy Recently, Bliss specialists Farrah Kherani and Stacey Harris participated in the Intensive Sex Therapy Training Program at the University of Guelph. Although they were dearly missed around the office, they returned to Bliss with valuable knowledge to further support their clients! Below, Stacey and Farrah answer some of the burning questions that we had about their experience with the Intensive Sex Therapy Training Program. What sparked your interest in the intensive sex therapy course? Stacey: The course was highly recommended by Sex Therapists, Kelly and Lindsay. I have been working with individuals and couples that have struggled with their sexuality, and I wanted to be able to offer more resources and information. People have shared struggling with intimacy due to pervious trauma, having low desire, pain, infidelity and other struggles. I want to offer a space for individuals and couples to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality to discuss their desires, hopes and fears. Memories, emotions, thoughts and expectations have an enormous influence on pain. I offer hypnotherapy for pain management and I wanted to learn more skills related to sex therapy to incorporate into practice. Farrah: My colleagues at Bliss had been raving about this course, and I wanted to learn more about what Sex Therapy entails. I also wanted to learn about a different type of therapy that I could implement into my practice with individuals. Interestingly enough, many of the clients that I see come in for various reasons, and some of these reasons impact their sexuality and intimacy in their relationships with others. This course helped me expand my knowledge and skill set in order to help clients discover themselves as sexual beings, and work through any sexual struggles they may be facing. What did you enjoy most about the course? Stacey: I enjoyed meeting people from all over the world and hearing their stories. I’m grateful that I got to participate in a diverse group that sparked many light bulbs in my mind. It was an embodied experience that left me feeling more energized and motivated to help others. I enjoyed learning more about sensate focus and plan on incorporating hypnotherapy sensate focus to help individuals calm the nervous system, increase intimacy and build self-esteem. I plan on asking people what gives them pleasure more often. It may be sex or it may not, and that’s okay. Something that gives me pleasure every day is playing with my dog. Farrah: Such an exceptional course! I met so many professionals from various backgrounds and from as far away as Australia and Sweden. The content provided in this course was beyond what I had expected and I learned so much. It left me wanting to keep learning more. We were taught by well-informed professionals, which included; Sex Therapists and Researchers, a Pelvic Floor Therapist, an OBGYN/ Sexual Medicine Doctor, a Pharmacist, and an expert in Sexual Pleasure and Sexual Play. Each presenter brought a wealth of knowledge to this course and to my learning. We had some intense dialogues as well as lots of fun and laughter. What portion of the course did you find most informative to your practice (group discussions, practice therapy sessions, lectures or videos)? Stacey: I highly enjoyed the presenters that offered various perspectives. There was an OBGYN, Pharmacist, Consensual Non-Monogamy Researcher, Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist, Sexuality Coach and different therapists. I learned different skills from each person that I plan on incorporating into my practice. A quote that stands out to me by Albert Einstein, “Education is not the learning of facts. But training the mind to think.” The course was holistic and certainly opened my mind to various ideas, theories, medical information and strategies. I plan on offering clients a safe space to share about sexuality, and train the mind to think in different ways. Farrah: I would have to say that all of the presenters were informative to my practice. No questions were off limits, and I enjoyed and learned from the open dialogue among the group and the presenters. Group discussions offered a variety of perspectives. We were given the opportunity to witness an actual sex therapy session, which provided an in depth view of what types of concerns and trauma clients may have experienced, and how this impacts them as sexual beings. I also learned more about how the dynamics of the act of sex changes in relationships over time and while individuals age. One particular video that stands out which really informed my practice was “Naked on the Inside”. I would highly recommend watching this. Could you share a resource that you used during the course that you found especially interesting/helpful to your learning? Stacey: Naked On The Inside Documentary- Six individuals share their stories about body image issues and dig deep into their vulnerabilities to create inner healing. Farrah: “Want”- Lori Erikson. This video describes the realities of homosexuality and aging. Documentaries such as this inform us on how homosexuality can affect our ability to get appropriate personal care, and how individuals feel they have to go back ‘into the closet’ in order to get into a proper care facility. Written by Bliss therapists, Stacey Harris and Farrah Kherani. Are you interested in booking an appointment with Bliss? Find more information about doing so HERE!
Others Will Treat You The Way You Let Them —3 Keys To Boundary-Setting 10 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Communication, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy You know those people, the ones that when you’re having a conversation with them, you find yourself taking a few steps back because they’re all up in your face? That’s a physical boundary that they just crossed. Boundaries are physical and emotional. Think of emotional boundaries like your invisible bubble of how close (or far) you prefer people to hang out in. Our boundaries help define who we are, determine what we’ll put up with, and keep us safe from undesirable behaviour from others. Your job is to communicate your boundaries with others clearly. Your boundaries will vary from relationship to relationship, while you can’t change people, you can encourage them to change how they behave around and interact with you. Halting undesirable behaviour As an example, let’s say your new love interest has been late for your past three dates. You can’t control if they’re late for all their appointments, but you can make it clear that dates with you need to begin on time. The unwanted behaviour is about what’s not cool with you — “It’s not okay for me when people aren’t on time.” Often, people react with their emotions first and respond with complaining, anger, or nagging. They’re often responding in one of three ways; passive, aggressive, or everyone’s favourite—passive-aggressive. A passive response would be to let the unwanted behaviour continue, staying hush on the outside while a storm is raging inside of you. The boundary-breaker is none the wiser and you feel bent out of shape on the inside. If you were responding with aggression, you might counter with blame, or attack them. Imagine lecturing your date with a tirade while you stomp your feet. You look like a fool and they might be completely bewildered. In a passive-aggressive response, you’d be responding with aggression, but your body language would appear non-threatening. Think sarcasm, guilt-trips, and half-smiles. People often engage in passive-aggressive behaviour so that they can be subtle in their attack. It communicates their unhappiness but doesn’t share what they want and need. Instead of reacting, choose to respond with confidence with kindness. You still have emotions around the event and might be angry, and this is entirely okay. It’s your response that you can control, and when you communicate your boundaries effectively and kindly, others will be more likely to hear and respect them. Your intention here is to build or grow a relationship in a way that avoids shaming or blaming your partner(s). It’s not about being right. It’s about the other person changing their actions around you. The next time someone crosses your boundaries, here are some positive and constructive ways to respond: Make others aware of their actions. The offender may not even realize that they’ve offended you, so responding in this way helps make them aware. You could say with your late date, “When you’re late for our dinner dates, I feel slighted.” Ask for what you want. It’s all too easy to think people can read our minds (wouldn’t that be so much easier?) You can ask for what you want calmly and specifically. As an example, you could state, “I’d really love it if you’d arrive for dinner on time, or let me know in advance if you are running late.” Head for the door. If the other person is too emotional to handle a calm and adult conversation, your best bet may be to remove yourself from the situation. If you’ve stated your displeasure and asked for what you want and the response makes you uncomfortable, you have permission to leave. Others treat you the way you let them. This is fantastic news, because you have the power to ask for what you want. Showing others how to treat you and what behaviour you accept is essential to set up healthy boundaries. Don’t be alarmed if some people feel offended. Continue to hold your ground politely. The more you make boundary-setting a habit, the easier and more natural it will feel to you. Written by Bliss therapist, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here. If you enjoyed this article you might like these too: Sex Therapy Virgin? What to Expect How to Start a Meaningful Conversation About Sex The Power of Me Time Do you have any questions for us, or need some help setting up healthy boundaries? Maybe there is someone in your life who makes boundary-setting a challenge? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here
Sexy Friday: Sexual Trauma, Divorce and FAQ! 7 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Sexy Fridays Welcome to another Sexy Friday at Bliss Counselling! We are confident that you are going to love what we have in store for you this week! Today we are sharing another fun and informative episode of Sex Talk with Kelly on Rogers TV! On this episode, Kelly is joined by special guests Keri Martin Vrbanac, a registered physiotherapist and pelvic health physiotherapist, as well as Roger Macintosh, a lawyer at Rabideau Law. Before the episode is over, Kelly will be joined by Jo Flannery to answer some of their most frequently asked questions! Keri joins Kelly to talk about sexual trauma and pelvic health, explaining that sexual trauma is quite common for all genders. On this episode, Keri provides some insight on how she works with survivors, emphasizing the importance of creating a survivor friendly environment in order to ensure that everyone receives a positive medical experience that supports healing from past abuse. Roger Macintosh is on Sex Talk with Kelly to talk about mediation and litigation divorce, explaining that separation agreements will help set the expectaions clear so that there are no surprises when it comes to child support, custody, assests, and so on. He also explains the difference between mediation and court, explaining that mediation can be a helpful way to resolve issues in a much less aggressive arena and in a way that can ultimately be cheaper for both parties. However, he explains that this process will require significant cooperation between spouses. Lastly, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Jo Flannery and Kelly answer the most frequently asked questions about size, porn, fantasies and more! Are you interested in hearing what these experts have to say? Check out the full video HERE! Guest Information: Keri Martin Vrbanac Facebook page: A Body In Motion Rehabilitation Twitter: @ABIMpelvicPT and @abodyinmotion1 Roger Macintosh Twitter: @rabideaulaw Instagram: @rabideaulawcanada Jo Flannery Twitter: @SEXOLOGYMag Instagram: @sexologyin
Tips for Managing Back to School Anxiety 3 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Students, Therapy Back to school season – for some parents, it’s “the most wonderful time of the year” (do you remember that commercial too?). However, for those of us with anxious children, the back to school season can be seriously tough. Children and teens who regularly experience anxiety often struggle with changes and transitions, and switching suddenly from summer mode to school mode is a significant change (even more so if they are switching schools or dealing with new situations at home simultaneously). Returning to school often leaves them with a lot of unanswered questions, such as: Who will my teacher be? Will I have friends in my class? What if I get lost and can’t find my classroom? Teens might also be worrying about taking on new responsibilities, balancing school with hobbies or part-time jobs, and beginning to think about their future beyond secondary school, on top of the regular back to school concerns. While it is normal to have some fears about returning to school, for an anxious child these fears can become overwhelming and place stress on the entire family. If you are struggling to help your anxious child through this back to school season, here are some strategies that might help you ease the stress for your child – and yourself! Establish a routine. Children and teens who struggle with anxiety often benefit from established routines. For younger children especially, it can help to slowly ease into or begin a back-to-school routine a few days before school actually begins. Ensure that they are eating healthy foods, maybe making lunches similar to what you would give them for school lunches, and that they are getting appropriate amounts of sleep for their age or individual sleep needs. I suggest starting to build a routine with them at least a week prior to the start of school, if at all possible. Talk to your child. Validate their fears, listen to them, and establish a routine or ritual where they can openly discuss their concerns with you. For example, teens are more likely to open up if you are doing something with them, such as going for a walk or taking a drive. Making it a regular thing can help keep you connected and encourage them to open up to you without the pressure of a sit-down conversation. Familiarize them with the environment. Take your child to the school, especially if it is a new school. You could walk or drive past the school a few times, or even spend some time together making use of the school grounds if possible (soccer? tag? duck-duck-goose?). Get them acquainted with their new surroundings so that it doesn’t feel so overwhelming. Be prepared. Come up with a plan so that your child feels prepared for their first day or week. Have them describe their fears, and walk through how they could manage each situation if it did occur. This will help them to feel empowered rather than frightened. Or have them imagine other possible outcomes. When children/teens are anxious they often think of the worst case scenario – help them see that the worst case scenario is not the only possible scenario. Provide healthy distractions. If your child is focusing on their anxiety, and you are struggling to help ease their worry or help them think through it productively, try to provide a healthy distraction until they are able to reach a more relaxed state. Encourage them to think of other things, come up with as special end of first day snack or dinner, ask them about what they are excited about with returning to school (seeing friends, playing on the playground, the lunch cafeteria). Parents, watch your own behaviour. If you are also worried or nervous about your child’s first day this will have an impact on them. Practice your tried and true self care techniques to help ease your own worries, or try to use some of the above techniques on yourself. Sending your child to school can be just as stressful for you – if you ignore your own needs, you won’t be in a good position to help your child. Get your oxygen mask on first! Say goodbye and leave. This just may be the hardest thing to do, especially for first time parents dropping their children off. Saying goodbye several times or returning after you have left will not be helpful for your child. Rest assured that most of the time, your child will be fine without you – maybe not instantly, but it is perfectly normal if it takes them some time. Written by Bliss therapist, Tammy Benwell. This post originally appeared on The Coach House Blog. Tammy Benwell is a Registered Social Worker who holds an undergraduate degree in Social Work from the University of Waterloo and Master’s degree in Social Work from Wilfrid Laurier University. She believes in fostering a collaborative, therapeutic relationship within which clients are best able to direct their own care. Tammy’s philosophy is best described as one which helps clients understand their role and their ability to achieve their desired happiness. In addition to providing therapy to individuals, couples, and families, Tammy’s work has also involved finding community supports for clients in distress, assisting with life transitions, and enhancing effective interpersonal communication styles.
Sexy Friday: 9 Secrets of Becoming an Epic Lover 24 August 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Sexy Fridays The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence; it’s greener where you water it. Where you direct your attention matters when it comes to grass and sex. If you want to be an epic lover, you need to put focused intention on being just that—an epic lover. With your consistent investment in love, attention, and time, your relationship with your partner(s) will grow and flourish. Maybe you’ve heard that great lovers are made? It’s true. “Great lovers are made, not born.” – Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz Becoming a great lover is a learned skill. Do you recall your very first sexual encounter? Maybe you’d describe it as awkward, clumsy, different. Or perhaps it was the stuff of daydreams on the very first go. Either way, becoming a fantastic lover is not only attainable, it’s also very doable. If you want to serve your partner(s), and be a wonderfully, wholehearted lover—here are our favorite recommendations. Please don’t look at this as a checklist, but rather a list of ideas to play with. Get to know (and love on) your body The more you know your body, the more sexual satisfaction you can experience. Start by looking after yourself—body, mind, and soul. Maybe you’ll pick up some new healthy habits such as exercise, nourishing food, taking long baths, and enjoying massages. Keep in mind the voice you use when you’re talking about your body. Both out loud and in your head. Celebrate all the amazing things your body can do, feel, and experience and focus less on negative self-talk. Tune into the desire channel You know which radio stations make you dance and sing in the car, so learn which of your body’s channels get you feeling sensual. By tuning into what you crave and what makes you feel good, it’s easier to go after it in your relationship too. Tell a new sexual story Whether we realize it or not, we all have stories about sex that may or may not be true. Some of these scripts may no longer be serving us. These are messages from our upbringing and past experiences, the media, advertising, and our culture. The great news is that you have the power to decide if these stories will continue to define your sexual experience and write a new sexual story—one that feels good and boosts your confidence. Get your sexy on It can be hard to feel sexy if we’re struggling with old sex stories or a lack of body confidence. Consider, if you were a confident and skilled lover, what would you wear? Where would you shop? What kinds of things would this person say about themselves? Once you have an image of what this sexy person feels, acts, and talks like, consider turning this into your reality to play with your sensual side. You’ve heard about faking it until you make it—this works between the sheets too. Act as if—as if you’re already your utterly fabulous, sexy, and desirable self. It’s not a game of solitary You and your partner(s) are not on opposing sides. You’re on the same team working towards common relationship goals. Avoid falling into the trap of keeping score on what household chores you’ve taken on, who makes more money, or acting as if your partner owes you. This can lead to resentment in the long run. Look at your relationship as a team sport so that you can be aiming for constant improvement, for the sake of the unit. Be a lover you’d desire It’s easy to fall into the habit of leaning back and requesting our partner(s) please us in a particular way. Here’s your permission slip to take the lead and be the person you’d love to love. This is also where being a flirt can pay off. If you love to be flirted with, then embrace being the flirter. Your lover can’t be everything Chances are, you still need various people to fill the many roles in your life. Expecting your partner to fill all your needs for conversation, connection, support, and companionship might be too tall of an order to fill. Keep in touch with your friends, reconnect with your family, revisit an old passion project that used to bring you joy. Random acts of goodness There are so many opportunities to give just a little each day to keep the spark alive. You can leave love notes in sneaky places, go on regular dates, do a chore that’s normally theirs without being asked for help, cook up a favorite meal, or send surprises to your home or their office. Make the time We’re all busy and have neverending to-do lists. We’re never going to be “done” so we may as well focus on the areas of our life that bring us pleasure. By making your intimate relationship a priority, you can help it to deepen. Even if the idea of scheduling date nights and intimacy feels a little funny at first, play with it. By making the time to prioritize your personal life, you’re sending the message loud and clear that you care. And epic lovers care. By placing our focus first on ourselves so that we can become a better lover, we give our partner(s) the opportunity to rise to the occasion and match our sexy efforts. Sounds like a win-win, right? Written by Bliss sexologist, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Did you enjoy this article? If so, you might like these too: Your couples counselling questions, answered How to keep things spicy when you’re a bit vanilla So your partner thinks you need couples therapy
Couples Therapy for Preventative Maintenance? Why It Works 20 August 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Therapy Navigating the relationship we have with ourselves is tricky enough, add in a partner, and relationships can be downright hard. In a partnership, you’re merging differing backgrounds, stories, possible triggers, preferences, and experiences. No wonder relationships are so much work. In the past, you may have heard of couples going to therapy together to do some repair work on their relationship after something had been “broken.” Maybe there were huge communication issues, abuse, mistrust, or a betrayal. Couples therapy has often had a certain seriousness surrounding it, since it used to be commonly viewed as a last resort to save a failing marriage. Today, however, many couples are happily stepping into therapy together when they don’t have any concerns. Whether they’re partnered, dating, or common-law, these couples are taking a proactive step to help figure out how to “do” relationships better before any problems arise. Couples therapy can help to address any communication patterns that leave us feeling stuck, or keep us from feeling happy and secure in a relationship. Therapy encourages us to develop new and healthy patterns that can help those in a relationship feel more intimacy and closeness with their partner(s). As a population, we’re getting better at looking after ourselves, but relationships can still get the cold shoulder in our long list of rituals we use to look after our appearance, mind, health, and bodies. People may go to couples therapy long before anything “significant” is going on, like marriage or kids. They do this to understand more about each other’s communication styles, and how they can chat about the small stuff before it can become big stuff. You may be worrying that this is a little dramatic. Even if you already get along great, the fact that you’re taking a stand to make your relationship even better tells your partner how much you care. Rest assured that many couples are sitting down on our therapists’ couches to learn to become better as individuals, as a partner, and as a parent or friend. Here are some reasons why attending couples therapy before you think you need to is a great idea: Personal growth If you love a good self-development book or enjoy moving your body, improving your relationship can also help you to grow as a person. Since couples therapy focuses heavily on learning how to communicate better—anyone can benefit from this! You could even think of it as physical therapy, like a regular trip to the gym to help strengthen a particular muscle. Learn to solve conflict efficiently You’re always going to have conflict and problems throughout your life, so learning smart problem-solving techniques sooner rather than later can save you headaches in the long run. And when problems pop up in the future, you’ll have new tools to handle them. Communicate better for a lifetime Therapy can help you learn how to truly listen to each other and understand what’s behind your latest argument. Often, the source of your conflict is something that’s just on the surface and isn’t a true issue. These are skills you’ll take with you for a lifetime of rock-solid relationship success. Feel like part of a team Couples therapy can help you feel like you’re working together as part of a team to create a relationship that feels happy and healthy for everyone. And when you put each other first and prioritize your relationship, this puts the relationship in the spotlight. It’s like a tune-up for your car You may decide that visiting a couples therapist regularly is a fantastic way to check-in with each other and your progress as a couple. You could even look at it as an occasional tune-up, to help keep your relationship working in a way that’s healthy for you both. Many couples decide that engaging in brief stints of couples therapy offers them a chance to check in with each other in a safe space. Looking after your relationship can fall behind our growing list of responsibilities—work, parenting, and being a good friend. When you nurture your relationship, this allows other areas to thrive as well. It doesn’t have to be forever Therapy that is. After some time you may both decide that you’ve come a long way and no longer need a mediator anymore. You could continue setting time aside each week to check in as a couple, and communicating what’s working well and what’s not. The skills and communication tools you have at your fingertips from therapy will serve you for life. When you’re ready, go into couples therapy with intention. Visiting with a couples therapist can help you create a better relationship or give you a clearer vision of the kind of person or people you want to be. If you’re ready to explore the idea of regular couples therapy, get in touch! We’re happy to help you figure out if therapy is right for you. Written by Bliss Therapist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold If you enjoyed this article, you might like these too: 12 Reasons It Might Be A Good Idea To See A Therapist Why You’re Too Tired For Sex & How To Get Your Groove Back 14 Common Misconceptions About Divorce And How That Affects Your Relationship
Sexy Friday: Open Relationships, Masturbation and Sex Toys 17 August 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Sexy Fridays It’s another Sexy Friday! This week, catch another episode of Sex Talk with Kelly, where Kelly and her guests talk about open relationships, masturbation and sex toys! Karen joins Kelly again this week to continue the discussion on open relationships, stating that, “We assume that love is finite, but love isn’t necessarily finite”. Karen explains that there are different types of open relationships including swinging, which entails exploring sexual relationships with others, as well as polymaory, which generally involves an emotional attachment that accompanies the sexual component. Jo is also back this week, sharing valuable information about masturbation, encouraging us to “Feel empowered when getting to know your body!” You don’t want to miss Jo’s insightful tips for self-pleasure, and Kelly’s hilarious childhood story! Finally, we catch up on the latest and greatest sex toys with Dianne from the Stag Shop! She shares some of the top vibrators, gels and lubricants, and also emphasizes the importance of a proper toy cleaning system. Keep in mind; the best toy for you is completely dependent on your own personal preference! Want to learn about which new gadgets would be best for you to try? Watch the full episode HERE! Are you a new Sexy Friday reader? We don’t want you to miss anything! Check out our previous Sexy Friday blog posts: Sexy Friday: Gender and Sex Research Sexy Friday: The (Not so) Subtle Art of Seduction Boardroom to Bedroom: C-Level Advice for a Thriving Sex Life Guest Information: Dianne Twitter: @stagshop Instagram: @stagshop Jo Flannery Twitter: @SEXOLOGYMag Instagram: @sexologyin Bliss psychotherapist, Karen Grierson
Sexy Friday: Gender and Sex Research 3 August 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Sexy Fridays, Therapy, Uncategorised Let’s talk about sex and gender! This Sexy Friday, we share another brief summary of a Sex Talk with Kelly episode on Rogers TV. Find the link to the full episode below! This week Kelly chats with Dr. Shayna Sparling from the Department of Family Relations and Applied Nutrition at the University of Guelph. Dr. Sparling shares some of her new sex research with us, explaining that sexual arousal impacts our ability to make decisions, and can even influence us to become bigger risk-takers! She explains that when we are sexually aroused we are often more impulsive and display lower levels of self-control, influencing us to be much more likely to say YES to fun things that we might normally be too shy to try! In a moment of sexual arousal, she explains that we are much more willing to let go and focus on the moment. Jo Flannery and Kelly also talk about gender, covering gender fluidity, proper terminology and more! Are you interested in learning more about what Jo, Kelly and Dr. Sparling had to say? Watch the full episode HERE! Wishing you a very sexy weekend. You never know, this might just be the weekend that you decide to try that new thing you’ve been curious about! 😉 Guest Information: Dr. Shayna Sparling Twitter: @Shaynagram Jo Flannery Twitter: @SEXOLOGYMag Instagram: @sexologyint