Single this Valentine’s Day? We’ve got you Covered! 5 February 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Inspiration, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy As Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, it’s hard not to notice stores filling up their shelves with chocolates, stuffies, cards and everything pink and red. For those that soak up all the fun, loving, mushy sentiments, Valentine’s Day can be great! But what about those of you who are riding solo this year? Here are 5 ways to help navigate this Hallmark holiday: Check in with yourself.What emotions is this day bringing up for you? Once you have identified if there are any lingering feelings that you haven’t dealt with, you can begin to make space to process them. Whether it’s sadness, loneliness, relief or happiness, what are you feeling? Are you holding on to a past relationship, lover, experience, etc.? What do you need to heal and move forward? Valentine’s Day can stir this pot, so make sure you are being honest with where you are at, and what you need. Check in with your friends.Who else is in the same boat as you? Sometimes it can be helpful to know that there are others feeling the same way. Do you have other single friends that you could connect with? Or maybe even friends that are in relationships that don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day? Think about getting together and going out for a movie, dinner, paint night, dancing, a spa day, a yoga session or a killer spin class. If going out isn’t your thing, maybe you could have a low key night at home, or invite friends over for dinner or to hang out on the couch catching up. All my friends are coupled up, so now what do I do? Do something for yourself!Buy yourself those special chocolates you were eyeing earlier at the grocery store, take yourself out for dinner or order in your favourite dish. Do something that will make you feel good and empowered. We are our own worst enemies, and we can get wrapped up or lost in our own thoughts and self-judgments. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. Remember that you are worthy of love and healthy relationships, but being single can be celebrated just as much as being coupled up; and Valentine’s Day gives you the opportunity for self-reflection and well-deserved me time! Check in with your family.Maybe you could use this day to have dinner with your parents, or to spend time with a grandparent. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Maybe you could babysit them while their parents go out. It could be fun to do cheesy crafts again, or decorate some heart shaped goodies! Limit social media.We all have those friends on our Facebook or Instagram feeds who create over the top posts on how great their partner is, and how loved they are. While that may be something they feel is important for them to share on their platform, it can feed challenging or unhelpful thoughts that you may be experiencing. Social media has the tendency to contribute to our need to compare where our friends are at in their lives and relationships with where we are. So, if you think you may feel triggered by seeing what your friends are sharing on Valentines Day, don’t spend as much time scrolling! There isn’t a clear path to avoiding Valentine’s Day altogether, but there are definitely ways to help you navigate the day and get out on the other side. If you really do find yourself struggling with where you’re at right now and need someone to talk to, you can always connect with one of us here at Bliss Counselling. Do you need some ideas of solo activities, or things to do with friends this Valentine’s Day? Check out these websites for things to do around KW! https://www.ammayoga.ca (Restorative yoga? Yes please!) https://www.hustlandflow.com/home (Kick boxing, spin classes, yoga and juice bar) https://www.socialart.ca (Get your paint on) https://www.dejavusalonandspa.ca (Pamper yourself) https://www.thewatersspa.com (Making me time) https://www.ginaspa.com (Focusing on yourself) http://adventurerooms.ca(Grab a team and try to escape these rooms) https://batlgrounds.com/axe-throwing-kitchener/ (Let it go!) https://www.ctrlv.ca/ctrl-v-waterloo-flagship/ (Whoa!) https://www.cineplex.com/Theatre/cineplex-cinemas-kitchener-and-vip?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=local&utm_content=CPXKitchenerVIP (Drinks, food, movies, sounds like a plan) https://apollocinema.ca (A gem kind of spot) http://www.princesscinemas.com (And they have a café too!) https://www.facebook.com/PatentSocial/ (Super Mario!) https://www.acepingponglounge.com (Ping Pong) http://www.crossroadscafe.ca (Board games) http://www.gamesontap.ca (More board games) Written by Bliss sexologist Lindsay Kenna. Learn more about Lindsay and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here.
7 Relationship Challenges Therapists See All the Time 28 January 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Therapy In a new relationship, everything feels fresh and fun. You anticipate dates for days in advance with butterflies in your heart and are uncovering all these goodies about each other every day. It’s like unwrapping your birthday gifts all year long. Over time, as you grow closer and more familiar with one another you’re likely to run into some bumps in the road. In couples therapy, we work with clients on these kinds of issues—big, small, and everything in between, every day. So first, know that you’re not the only ones running up against these challenges. Next, based on our work with couples who have navigated or are still finding their way around these tricky spots, here are the top challenges that pop up most often between couples, and how to approach them: 1. Your partner has some bad habits (and it’s grating on your nerves) Perhaps your partner has a habit of leaving dishes on the counter or leaving empty rolls of toilet paper for you to change. At first, these little quirks didn’t bother you much. Maybe you noticed but didn’t pay it much attention. Perhaps you’ve even mentioned it a few times thinking they’d change their ways. Well, here you are months or years later and nothing has really changed. Loving your partner(s) means learning to fully accept less than desirable habits. You could keep falling down the irritation trap and mention the toilet paper or the dishes thing every time it happens. Or, after not noticing changes, you could learn to let insignificant things go. If your partner is engaging in any kind of behaviour that’s truly hurtful, harmful, or crosses any of your boundaries, then your communication will need to be more direct. This also may be a good time to bring in a couples therapist. 2. You may argue about your families Your partner chose you but they can’t choose their family. Though at times, maybe you wish you could send some family members back, but that’s not helping to strengthen your communication with your partner. Family is often a sensitive topic between couples, and there’s a lot that comes into play here, from upbringing, culture, and what one partner deems as “normal” family stuff. Boundaries are helpful in all relationships, and especially ones where family members may be causing a problem. 3. Your partner can’t fill all the shoes We might have a long list of demands of our partners. We require them to be the love of our lives, be romantic, be our sexual partners, parenting partners, best friends, and even financial advisors. It’s not possible or necessarily even healthy for one person to tick all the boxes on another’s list of demands. We all have many needs, and need a variety of people in our lives to fill these different roles. 4. Your desire will fluctuate If your sensual encounters were toe-curling in the early months of your relationship, and then one of you suddenly lost interest a few months down the road, this is totally normal. Our lives are in a perpetual state of change, including our sexual desires. There are many things that can affect our fluctuating desire levels, from family, stress, work, and a jam-packed schedule. A mismatch in desire creeps into the healthiest of intimate relationships and that’s perfectly natural. Sometimes couples need to let go of the idea that sex is the end goal, and learn to find more pleasure in all the other ways they can be intimate together. In our practice, we work with couples to help them communicate what’s going on behind a desire discrepancy, and work with them to find a new groove that works for them. 5. Money may be a source of conflict Once financials co-mingle, this can be an added stressor for many couples. When people come together in a relationship, they each bring their own ideals, values, and perceptions of money and how it should be spent, saved, and handled. We often recommend alleviating financial tension by having clients act like more of a team to handle any money issues and decisions as they come up. 6. Work might get in the way When you first started dating, perhaps you or your partner would drop everything for a chance to go out to dinner. As you got more comfortable in your relationship, other competing priorities likely crept in. Perhaps even a promotion or new job calls for more attention than in the past. Regardless of the reason for the change, work might come up as a point of contention at one point in your relationship. 7. Staying faithful is hard work You or your partner may inevitably become attracted to others, and you may even find yourself wondering if you made the right partner choice. The essential point to keep in mind is that while staying monogamous can feel hard at times, it’s worth the effort if it’s something both of you value. Alternatively, a sex-positive relationship therapist can support you in exploring consensual non-monogamy. As you spend more time in an intimate relationship, know that every bump you encounter has the power to help you deepen and strengthen your connection. Staying mindful of everyone’s feelings, keeping communication kind and honest, and putting a deliberate effort into your relationship can help you come out the other side of any troubles even closer than you were before. Written by Bliss sexologist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “Tips From the Couch”here. If you enjoyed this article you might like these too: How to start a meaningful conversation about sex Others will treat you the way you let them —3 keys to boundary-setting Sex therapy virgin? What to expect Do you have any questions for us? Or do you need some help with creating healthy habits in your relationship? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here.
The Health Benefits of Living a Mindful Life 21 January 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Guest Post, Inspiration, Self Care, Therapy In the modern-day bustle of living, mindfulness doesn’t always come easy. We’re tired, distracted, and always rushing to get something done, and it’s rare for us to stop and take a pause, to really analyze everything that’s going on around us. But if we want to improve our quality of life, then mindfulness is necessary and we have to stop making excuses—it’s time to slow down and assess our situation, it’s time to start taking better care of our mental and physical health. Becoming mindful is a process that brings many benefits, and if you’re interested in how it can transform you, we’re here to show you. You’ll become true to yourself Humans are social creatures. While this is a good thing that makes it easier to live in a community, sometimes it can also mean the loss of individuality and a damaged sense of self—we try so hard to please everyone and it’s easy to get caught up in our thoughts, feelings, and insecurities to the point that they start ruining our lives. Rather than wondering what will make us happy in this moment, we think about what will look good, what will be socially accepted. Rather than nurturing our own unique selves, we attempt to stifle that energy and mold it into something more agreeable. This is exactly what mindfulness can help with—instead of chipping away at your individuality, it can help you lift it up and remind you why it’s so important to stay true to yourself. Happiness doesn’t lie in pandering to everyone else, no matter how much you love them. It lies in the knowledge that you are the master of your own fate, and it’s on you to make the best of what life has to offer. You’ll learn how to take care of your needs When you start nurturing your spirit, you’ll remember that you must take care of your needs before doing anything else. Mindfulness will help you realize that taking time off and doing things that are good for your health isn’t a mere indulgence. No, it’s absolutely essential. If you want a good example of how important it is to develop self-care strategies, look at Asian cultures. In China, there’s a great emphasis on things like massage therapy, acupuncture, and hydrotherapy as a way to improve wellness. A lot of people have developed a habit of going to a good spa salon when life gets overwhelming, and it’s becoming as common as going to a doctor when you get sick. It’s not just a treat, it’s a health strategy. If you want to care for yourself, consider doing something similar. Figure out what ails you, what needs to be fixed, what kind of things relax you and make you happy. If reading books puts you in a good mood, the find the time to read. Exercise, eat well, and do what needs to be done to keep your mental and physical health in good shape. You’ll reduce anxiety in your life Since all of these things are connected, living in the moment and focusing on what’s right in front of you will undoubtedly make you a lot less anxious. You won’t keep worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet, you won’t keep remembering embarrassing mistakes from the past. You’ll look at what’s happening right now and you’ll know how to enjoy it. Your relationships will improve Once you’re connected to the energy around you and all your needs are met, it’s a lot easier to practice empathy and understand those that are close to you. Patience and gentleness that come from being mindful open up a path towards better communication, and very often talking it out with your loved ones is all you need to improve your relationship. Knowing yourself will also help you know other people better—you’ll understand their fears, insecurities, and generally what makes them tick. You’ll know how to deal with an unpleasant situation and create stronger bonds. Years of pent up anger and bitterness could finally dissipate because you’ll learn how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and you’ll learn to let toxic people go and stick only to those who release positive energy into your life. You’ll feel more attractive Mindfulness means being in control of your emotions and knowing your own truth. Instead of being plagued by doubt and insecurities, you’ll be able to let those go and embrace and celebrate all of your positive sides. The confidence gained from that is a huge boost to how good you feel in your own skin. You’ll simply become aware of your own worth, and that is something unshakable. Leading a mindful life is within your reach. Through meditation, self-care, and other activities that help you live in the moment. Once you learn to let go of the past and stop fretting about the future you’ll be able to finally see what’s going on around you—a whole world of beauty and success that’s just waiting for you to embrace it. Written by: Sophia Smith Sophia Smith is a beauty blogger, eco-lifestyle lover, graphic designer and food enthusiast. She is focusing on minimalism and good quality. Her other hobbies center around her love for nature, well-being and living in balance. Sophia writes mostly about beauty-related topics in her blogs and articles. She has contributed to a number of publications including: Life Goals Mag, Savant Magazine, Secret Garden, Bonvita Style, Cause Artist and Book Meditation Retreats. You can find out more about her writing by following her on: Facebook Twitter Google +
7 Essential Habits of People in Healthy Relationships 7 January 2019 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Communication, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Therapy Healthy Relationships—They take work, self-awareness, and (frequent) communication. And that’s not all. Growing a budding relationship into a thriving one that feels good for everyone involved takes deliberate and focused attention. What we pay attention to grows, and our intimate relationships are no different. Whether you’re on your third date or you’ve been together for three decades, studies show that the more connected we are to our partners, the happier we are in all other areas of our lives. Those in the healthiest relationships have some key things in common. They practice relationship-building habits. And not just at the beginning of the relationship, but years into their intimate adventure too. Here are 7 habits to go deeper in your intimate relationships: 1. Lay on the praise Peek inside a healthy relationship and you’ll see an abundance of compliments and praise. They’ll do this publicly too—they aren’t afraid to show their appreciation for one another. They also talk about their partners in a positive light instead of complaining. The healthiest relationships focus on all the good things about their partner(s) instead of focusing on all the things they wish were different. 2. Prioritize connection People in healthy relationships regularly connect each day and every week—no matter what. No matter how busy life and work gets. In our practice, we’ve seen people taking regular after-dinner walks, making the time to connect over coffee in the morning, scheduling date nights and sticking to them. Even 20-minutes spent alone with your partner, distraction-free, even from bed, can do wonders to amp up the closeness factor of your relationship. To make the most of your conneting time, put all outside distractions such as your phone, computer, and all other screens away! If you have kids, an excellent opportunity to do this may be when they’re asleep for the night, or at Grandma’s. Doing so is good modeling for children too! When they’re old enough, direct the kids to avoid interrupting you because it’s your adult time to connect over coffee (or whatever else you’re connecting over!). 3. Laugh—a lot Having a sense of humour is essential for life, and possibly even more important for people in relationships. It’s hard to stay mad when someone can lighten the mood. Of course, leave the laughs out of the serious conversations, but the more you can weave some snorts and giggles into all your moments, the more connected your intimate relationship will feel. 4. See life from their eyes Great relationships are filled to the brim with empathy. They know how to put themselves in each other’s shoes. When people empathize with one another, they’re usually able to get past common misunderstandings that creep up in all relationships. Helping the other person feel seen, heard, and valued is a way to show you genuinely care. 5. Keep flirting Keep the fun and flirty interactions going long after the first few dates. When partners flirt with each other, they’re showing their love and excitement for life with each other. It simply feels good! Think about flirting as the long game, and not just when you’re hoping to get a date or get to the “next stage” of your relationship. 6. Think like scientists Constantly think of new ways you can look at your relationship. People in healthy relationships often think of it as having two or three relationships with the same person. Play and experiment with everything from your date nights to how to feel more connected. And when something doesn’t seem to be working, put your scientist hat on and get curious about what you could do differently or try next. 7. Stay forever curious It’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day hustle and take our loved ones for granted. When we combine this with the understanding that we’ll all change and grow throughout our lives, and if we’re not pausing to tune in, we could end up growing in different directions. Constantly stay curious and get to know your partner. Ask questions about what’s making them tick, what’s driving them, and then really listen. Here are some ideas to prompt a deeper discussion: What can I do for you right now to help you feel more loved? Have I done anything recently that may have unknowingly hurt you? Is there any kind of emotional or physical intimacy you feel is missing? How do you feel about our sex life lately? Is there anything stressing you lately and can I help alleviate that stress for you? Asking these questions may feel scary at first. Listen and stay open. Then sincerely thank them for sharing their thoughts—sharing often isn’t easy either! While these are just some examples of the habits that the people in the healthiest relationships regularly take on, there are countless other ways that you and your partner(s) can love each other through the tricky situations and deepen your connection. The best way to find your groove is to keep talking. Written by Bliss sexologist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. Learn more about Kelly and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here. If you enjoyed this article you might like these too: How to start a meaningful conversation about sex Others will treat you the way you let them —3 keys to boundary-setting Sex therapy virgin? What to expect Do you have any questions for us? Or do you need some help with creating healthy habits in your relationship? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here.
Holiday Stress Tips 17 December 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Self Care, Therapy It’s the most wonderful time of the year… unless you are burnt out, over spending or anxious about seeing a family member! The holidays are wonderful, but they tend to come with some added stress for most of us. It is mostly because people tend not to have a lot of boundaries at this time of year. We believe we should put others’ needs ahead of our own; after all it is the season of giving, right? Well your therapist would tell you something different. At this time of year it is especially important to have some healthy boundaries. Our team at Bliss Counselling would strongly suggest using the following tips as a helpful guide to get you through this difficult time of year. Try not to take on too much. When possible, encourage people to bring a dish if you are hosting, or if you are visiting, try not to cram in going to too many places in the same day. Burning yourself out will not make your time enjoyable. Say no!!! If you feel like you have too many things on the go, it is ok to say no. No is an answer all in itself. You can always suggest another day or time in the future. Christmas Day is December 25th but we don’t have to fit everything and everyone into this ONE day. Don’t spend too much. Some of the most valuable gifts don’t include a price tag. One of the traditions in my family is an experience gift. Make your own gift card and suggest a day of tobogganing and hot chocolate. You will never regret spending time with your loved ones. Don’t isolate yourself. Some people find the holidays challenging because they feel left out. It is always good to get out rather than to stay at home. Find a place that brings you some joy. Walking through a park with Christmas lights or going somewhere you can listen to music It’s ok to honour lost loved ones, or those we can’t be close to during the holidays Try and stick to some of your daily routines that make you happy, like working out or enjoying a good book If you need to take space because you are upset at something that a family member said, or just overwhelmed with the number of people around you can always go for a walk or drive, or find a quiet space to sit alone. It’s ok to take a break from everything Make sure to check in with your partner prior to saying yes to things. This is always a good check point and allows your partner to be a part of the planning process. They may also provide you with a healthy reminder of when it might be time to say no to something. Written by Bliss Therapist Tammy Benwell. We know that the holidays can be stressful, and hope that these tips can provide some guidance to those experiencing anxiety during this busy time of year. If you’re looking for further support and wish to speak with a Bliss specialist, you can book an appointment here.
How to Manage Stress at Bedtime 19 November 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Guest Post, Inspiration, Self Care, Therapy Everyone deals with stress. It’s a part of daily life. And eight in 10 Americans say they feel stress sometimes or frequently during the day. Stress is a natural reaction to challenges. When we’re stressed, we get a boost of energy with an elevated heart rate and higher blood pressure. It’s nature’s way of offering support as we deal with threats or challenges. However, experiencing stress all day every day is not good for your health, and can result in increased cardiovascular risk, smoking, overeating, and headaches. Common sources of stress include politics, money, work, violence, and crime. But for some people, stress is debilitating, and can interfere with sleep quality. We may stay up at night thinking anxious thoughts, or find it difficult to get good quality rest while feeling particularly stressed. In fact, it’s common for adults who experience high stress to say they don’t sleep enough because their minds race at night. And 35 percent of teens, 31 percent of Millennials, and 27 percent of Gen Xers say stress keeps them up at night. And although stress can so easily interfere with sleep, getting a good night’s sleep can relieve stress. When we’re well rested, we’re more mentally and physically prepared to face the challenges of the day at full capacity. If we’re short on sleep, we may struggle to concentrate, manage emotions, or deal well with fatigue. What to Do to Relieve Stress and Sleep Well Combining stress relief and healthy sleep habits can offer a better night’s sleep and may improve your stress levels throughout the day. Take these steps for relief: Manage stress with relaxation practices. Proven stress relievers may make it easier to calm down and relax before bed and get a good night’s sleep. Practice yoga or meditation as part of a bedtime routine to wind down and release tension before it’s time to rest. Keep a journal next to bed. If stressful thoughts at night are a problem, a journal may help. Address fears. It’s ok to feel scared at night sometimes. Dark shadows, strange noises, and general uneasiness plague adults as well as children. Consider comfort items, such as a nightlight, which may make it easier to feel more secure at night. Commit to healthy sleep. Good sleep can support stress relief, so practice healthy sleep habits. Keep a regular sleep schedule and maintain a regular bedtime routine. Steer clear of pitfalls including late night screen time and caffeine. Get support for stress. No one has to go it alone when dealing with stress. Talk to friends, family, and counselors who can help when working through stressful situations that call for help. Eliminate stress as much as possible. Overdoing it can easily lead to stress, so it may be a good idea to cut back. If possible, eliminate stressful activities and prioritize commitments. Stress and sleep often go hand in hand, so improving one can often improve the other. Focus on managing stress and practicing healthy sleep habits to support good mental health. Sara Westgreen is a researcher for the sleep science hub Tuck.com. She sleeps on a king size bed in Texas, where she defends her territory against cats all night. A mother of three, she enjoys beer, board games, and getting as much sleep as she can get her hands on.
What Does it Mean to be Authentic? 22 October 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Inspiration, Relationships, Self Care, Therapy “Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” – Brené Brown Being authentic means feeling comfortable sharing your flaws and failures as much as your triumphs and successes, and that you don’t need to be liked by others to feel as though you matter. It is a true recognition that you matter regardless of what others think, and being able to embrace your weaknesses as much as your strengths. Being authentic means not striving to be what others expect us to be, or even what we think we are supposed to be, but rather loving the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. It means knowing that we can form opinions on our own, and to voice those opinions in a way that holds true to our values. Most importantly, being authentic means staying true to our core values, even when they are different from someone else’s. We have all had those moments where we faked being happy when what we really wanted to do was fall apart. Why do we do that? Because we have been programmed to believe that who we are isn’t enough, and that how we feel isn’t ok. We are taught very early in life that people will only truly like us if we present them with something that feels good to them. This fear often holds us back from being authentically ourselves. Imagine arriving to work, and when asked “how are you today?” you actually respond with how you are feeling; “I am feeling awful, my kids were having complete meltdowns” or maybe it sounds like, “my morning was horrible, my husband and I got into an argument”. Most of us would never say these things, even though they are exactly what we are experiencing and feeling. Of course there may be some people you aren’t willing to share that information with, and that’s okay too! Being authentic means doing and sharing what we feel when we want to, and with whom we want to share that with. Being authentic means not being scared to share those feelings in order to make others more comfortable, and sharing what we want to based on what we may need in that moment. Lastly, I want to emphasize that being authentic isn’t something that we have to search for, it is being exactly who we are. To each person this will look different, and that is what is so beautiful about authenticity! Written by Bliss therapist Tammy Benwell. Learn more about Tammy and get her secret “Tips From the Couch” here. If you liked this article you might enjoy these too: Others Will Treat You The Way You Let Them – 3 Keys to Boundary Setting Good News: There’s No Such Thing As Bad Feelings Why We Need to Stop “Agreeing to Disagree” Do you have any questions for us? We’re happy to help! Get in touch with us here. If you’re interested in booking your first appointment with Bliss, you can do that here.
Cannabis in Canada 17 October 2018 Kelly McDonnell-Arnold No comments Categories: Therapy If you didn’t know, today is a big day for Canada as marijuana is now legal on a national level! Here at Bliss, we want to take the opportunity to both celebrate and provide some further information on this new legislation. Although cannabis has been legalized nationally, the laws surrounding legal consumption will vary depending on which province and city you live in. It is your responsibility to know the laws in your city. Some information can be found HERE. We also want to express the importance of safe consumption. Like alcohol, the laws surrounding cannabis are intended to protect and support appropriate use. At Bliss, we want to remind our readers that the age limits of both alcohol and cannabis are extremely important in order to protect youth as their minds continue to develop. At Bliss, we want to welcome our clients to speak with us about this new legislation. Whether you are interested in exploring cannabis use, or feel unsure about how to navigate this new legislation, we are here to support you! We feel that at this time, it is crucial to address the importance of having a healthy relationship with cannabis consumption, and we would like to encourage our adult clients who are interested in marijuana to feel comfortable speaking with us about this topic! We are also willing to work with those who are interested in exploring their concerns about this new legislation, and addressing the difference between healthy and unhealthy consumption. Remember that there are community supports available to you to help work toward a better understanding of cannabis and the laws surrounding its legalization in Canada. Are you interested in attaining your higher self? Feel free to do so with the support of Bliss Counselling!
How to Handle Financial Stress in your Relationship 1 October 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Communication, Individual Therapy, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Therapy It’s no secret that money problems can be a huge source of relationship strife — in fact, most surveys report money as the main source of stress in a relationship, and it’s easy to see why. If the money isn’t there, it can seep into every part of your life and affect every part of your day. From grocery shopping, to a friend’s birthday, to what you think about before you go to sleep, money is always there. It’s an incredibly difficult scenario to be in — but new research shows that it affects some of us more than others. Recent research from The Harris Poll and Ally Bank surveyed more than 1,400 American adults about where their relationship stress was coming from. Unsurprisingly, money came out on top. But in an interesting twist, the research found that young Americans were twice as likely as older Americans to say that money was the biggest cause of stress. While 44 percent of the younger adult group pointed to money, only 23 percent of the older adults said the same. With housing prices skyrocketing in recent decades and a pool of student loan debt you could drown in, Millennials are feeling the financial strain far more than Baby Boomers. The most difficult part? Well, as we know, money doesn’t grow on trees. If you’re already stretched to your limit and an unexpected bill lands on your door, there’s no magic fix. But there are things you can do to help keep money stress from wrecking your relationship. Here’s what you need to know: Educate Yourself Many of us are not financially savvy — because we simply didn’t receive the education. For some reason, we spent way more time on the Pythagorean theorem than learning about how to save money or file our taxes (and it’s pretty obvious which one we actually need as adults). If you haven’t already learned how to do these things, then you need to educate yourself. And, if your partner’s spending is stressing you out, remember that they probably need some help, too. “Most of the time, bad money habits come from either a lack of education because this stuff isn’t taught in school — which isn’t your fault of your partner’s,” Priya Malani, co-founder of Stash Wealth, a wealth management company, told Brides. “Seek out education and advice so you can see the financial impact of current behavior on your future self.” This might mean seeing a financial advisor, if you’re in a position to do so. If money’s too tight for that, start by checking out some money-saving websites and basic financial advice. There’s so much available online, so use it! Talk About Money — Think “Little And Often” Talking about money can take on a larger-than-life quality in some relationships. Maybe you never talk about it and you don’t know where to start — or maybe money is so stressful that every time it comes up it sends you both towards a meltdown. Either way, it’s time to normalize talking money. Start discussing it as early as you can in a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be in these huge, awkward conversations. “Little and often” is how you should talk about money, with small comments that bring it up on a regular basis. Whether it’s, “I’m really tight this month, do you mind if we don’t go out for dinner?” to “I really want to sort out my 401k and I don’t know where to start” or even, “I don’t think we can afford as big of a trip this year, should we sit down and crunch the numbers?” These little moments will normalize how you talk about money, so you’ll be in a better position for the big conversations. Look At Your Shared Expenses If you and your partner are serious, it may be time to have a look at your shared expenses. Maybe you each pay for a couple of the bills, maybe you transfer money into a joint account every month. Either way, going through the numbers together and looking for ways to save money — like changing to a new gas or electric company or cancelling that cable subscription you don’t use — can be a good way to open up the conversation about money and make sure you’re on the same page. Start Saving The best thing you can do to relieve your money stress it to start saving — yes, right now. It may not be a lot, it may seem totally insignificant, but it can be something. Even just twenty dollars a month adds up to $240 over the course of the year — which is a nice little cushion to have. If you have the means, putting a little away for retirement and a little away for money for something fun — a trip, a new purchase, or a house deposit — will help incentivize you to save. Focus On An Emergency Fund First Although day-to-day money stress can be excruciating, a lot of the panic and frustration comes in when you get an unexpected expense. The car breaks down, your child needs a filling, or you need a plumber to come and fix that hole that’s gotten way too big — whatever it is, it can be incredibly stressful and throw your entire equilibrium out of whack. If you can get together an emergency fund of even a few hundred dollars (more if you can afford it), you’ll be covered when an unexpected bill hits. Just make sure you replenish your emergency fund as quickly as you can. If money is tight for you and your partner, it’s totally normal for that to be a source of stress — but it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship. Educate yourself about managing your finances and get comfortable talking about money — because that’s half the battle. Written by Bliss therapist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold. We know that talking to your partner about money can be uncomfortable, and having a third party to help navigate these difficult conversations can be extremely helpful! Our Bliss therapists are happy to help! Book an appointment here.
Sexy Friday: Pre-teen Sex-Ed and Healthcare Accessibility for Transgender Individuals 28 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Sexy Fridays, Therapy This week, join us for another Sexy Friday to talk about pre-teen sex education and healthcare accessibility for transgender individuals. On this episode, Kelly is joined by Stacey Jacobs again, a sexual health education manager at Sexual Health Options, Resources & Education – SHORE Centre. Deanna Clatworthy, nurse and clinical manager at HIV/AIDS Resources and Community Health (ARCH), in Guelph, Ontario is also on the show today to discuss the healthcare needs and supports available to transgender individuals. Stacey addresses talking to pre-teens about sex, and taking advantage of the many resources available to us. She explains that we shouldn’t avoid answering a question simply because we don’t know the answer. We have access to resources to help us answer these questions, so we should be working toward finding the proper answer to the questions our children ask, instead of avoiding or guessing the correct answer. Another very important suggestion Stacey makes is to watch TV shows and videos with your children. This ensures that you are aware of what they are watching, and can help them navigate complicated or incomplete information. Make sure to be engaged with them, ask them questions about what they are watching and challenge them to critically view the program to challenge the stereotypes. Allow them to talk about gender, gender roles and gender expression, and most importantly, let your child be themselves. Deanna joins Kelly to share with us the health care support that is available to transgender folks, and the knowledge that community members should be responsible for seeking out to ensure a comfortable environment for all. She also talks about gender affirming surgeries, providing further information on what surgeries are accessible and paid for, and the obstacles or lack of support that people may experience during this process. Finally, Deanna addresses the importance of using appropriate language, “It doesn’t cost you anything to call someone by their preferred name, but it means everything to them”. Watch the full episode for more information on these very important topics HERE! Guest Information: Stacey Jacobs Instagram: @shorecentrewr Deanna Clatworthy Twitter: @ARCHguelph
Sexy Friday: Menstruation, Sex Education and Therapy 21 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Self Care, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Sexy Fridays This week’s Sexy Friday blog focuses on a number of important topics, including menstruation, strengthening relationships, and how chronic illnesses and disability affect self-love, relationships and sexuality. There is a lot of valuable information packed into this 30-minute episode of Sex Talk with Kelly, so we definitely recommend checking out the full episode! Kelly invited some wonderful guests to join her for this episode, including Kristen Schultz, a sex educator, activist and writer, Stacey Jacobs, a sexual health education manager at Sexual Health Options, Resources & Education – SHORE Centre, and Bliss Counselling’s very own Tammy Benwell. Kristen addresses the ways in which our education system has failed us with its lack of representation, explaining that the education we receive reflects a society that is solely abled, cisgendered, and reproductive focussed. In addition to these major concerns, Kristen explains how things become even more complicated for individuals with disabilities, or those suffering from illnesses. Kristen emphasizes the importance of conversations, “Be open. Open hearted and have open conversation”. We are so thankful for Kristen’s wealth of information, and willingness to share her own personal experience with chronic illness and sex. This is an important conversation that you will definitely learn so much from! Thanks, Kristen! Kelly is then joined by Stacey, who addresses the importance of talking about menstruation and how to talk to kids about sex. She explains that it is important for schools and families to provide appropriate information about menstruation, and the need to discuss it in a positive light so as not to scare or confuse young people. “It is important for people to feel empowered by their bodies, not annoyed or frustrated”. Addressing sex education, she explains that children model adult behaviour, and that it is important to be mindful of this and to model consent for your children by asking before you touch them, and reminding them to ask before they touch you. Additionally, it is important to be honest with children in an age appropriate manner. Lastly, she explains that it’s crucial to ask your children questions as well, and not to wait for them to ask you, because they may not. Finally, Kelly is joined by Bliss Counselling therapist, Tammy Benwell to talk about the strategies you and your partner can implement to strengthen your bond. Tammy explains that your relationship therapist is your supporter, lean on them to prevent the problems from getting worse. Tammy provides both individual and relationship therapy at Bliss Counselling. To watch the full episode, follow the link HERE! Guest Information: Kristen Schultz Twitter: @chronicsexchat Instagram: @chronic_self_love Stacey Jacobs Instagram: @shorecentrewr Tammy Benwell, Bliss therapist
Bliss Specialists Answer Questions About the Intensive Sex Therapy Training Program 17 September 2018 Bliss Team No comments Categories: Individual Therapy, Relationship Therapy, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Wellness, Therapy Recently, Bliss specialists Farrah Kherani and Stacey Harris participated in the Intensive Sex Therapy Training Program at the University of Guelph. Although they were dearly missed around the office, they returned to Bliss with valuable knowledge to further support their clients! Below, Stacey and Farrah answer some of the burning questions that we had about their experience with the Intensive Sex Therapy Training Program. What sparked your interest in the intensive sex therapy course? Stacey: The course was highly recommended by Sex Therapists, Kelly and Lindsay. I have been working with individuals and couples that have struggled with their sexuality, and I wanted to be able to offer more resources and information. People have shared struggling with intimacy due to pervious trauma, having low desire, pain, infidelity and other struggles. I want to offer a space for individuals and couples to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality to discuss their desires, hopes and fears. Memories, emotions, thoughts and expectations have an enormous influence on pain. I offer hypnotherapy for pain management and I wanted to learn more skills related to sex therapy to incorporate into practice. Farrah: My colleagues at Bliss had been raving about this course, and I wanted to learn more about what Sex Therapy entails. I also wanted to learn about a different type of therapy that I could implement into my practice with individuals. Interestingly enough, many of the clients that I see come in for various reasons, and some of these reasons impact their sexuality and intimacy in their relationships with others. This course helped me expand my knowledge and skill set in order to help clients discover themselves as sexual beings, and work through any sexual struggles they may be facing. What did you enjoy most about the course? Stacey: I enjoyed meeting people from all over the world and hearing their stories. I’m grateful that I got to participate in a diverse group that sparked many light bulbs in my mind. It was an embodied experience that left me feeling more energized and motivated to help others. I enjoyed learning more about sensate focus and plan on incorporating hypnotherapy sensate focus to help individuals calm the nervous system, increase intimacy and build self-esteem. I plan on asking people what gives them pleasure more often. It may be sex or it may not, and that’s okay. Something that gives me pleasure every day is playing with my dog. Farrah: Such an exceptional course! I met so many professionals from various backgrounds and from as far away as Australia and Sweden. The content provided in this course was beyond what I had expected and I learned so much. It left me wanting to keep learning more. We were taught by well-informed professionals, which included; Sex Therapists and Researchers, a Pelvic Floor Therapist, an OBGYN/ Sexual Medicine Doctor, a Pharmacist, and an expert in Sexual Pleasure and Sexual Play. Each presenter brought a wealth of knowledge to this course and to my learning. We had some intense dialogues as well as lots of fun and laughter. What portion of the course did you find most informative to your practice (group discussions, practice therapy sessions, lectures or videos)? Stacey: I highly enjoyed the presenters that offered various perspectives. There was an OBGYN, Pharmacist, Consensual Non-Monogamy Researcher, Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist, Sexuality Coach and different therapists. I learned different skills from each person that I plan on incorporating into my practice. A quote that stands out to me by Albert Einstein, “Education is not the learning of facts. But training the mind to think.” The course was holistic and certainly opened my mind to various ideas, theories, medical information and strategies. I plan on offering clients a safe space to share about sexuality, and train the mind to think in different ways. Farrah: I would have to say that all of the presenters were informative to my practice. No questions were off limits, and I enjoyed and learned from the open dialogue among the group and the presenters. Group discussions offered a variety of perspectives. We were given the opportunity to witness an actual sex therapy session, which provided an in depth view of what types of concerns and trauma clients may have experienced, and how this impacts them as sexual beings. I also learned more about how the dynamics of the act of sex changes in relationships over time and while individuals age. One particular video that stands out which really informed my practice was “Naked on the Inside”. I would highly recommend watching this. Could you share a resource that you used during the course that you found especially interesting/helpful to your learning? Stacey: Naked On The Inside Documentary- Six individuals share their stories about body image issues and dig deep into their vulnerabilities to create inner healing. Farrah: “Want”- Lori Erikson. This video describes the realities of homosexuality and aging. Documentaries such as this inform us on how homosexuality can affect our ability to get appropriate personal care, and how individuals feel they have to go back ‘into the closet’ in order to get into a proper care facility. Written by Bliss therapists, Stacey Harris and Farrah Kherani. Are you interested in booking an appointment with Bliss? Find more information about doing so HERE!