The Double Standards Around Women Expressing Anxiety

In a world increasingly aware of mental health, there remains a troubling double standard when it comes to how women express anxiety, especially if that anxiety manifests as anger. Quiet, contained expressions of worry are often deemed “acceptable” and sometimes even encouraged. But when anxiety turns outward—and presents as frustration, anger, or confrontation—the response is often drastically different. Women who express emotions of anger, especially if they come from marginalized backgrounds or carry trauma, may face rejection or even punitive reactions from society. To navigate this double standard, especially in complex power dynamics, we need a trauma-informed, anti-oppression approach.

Anxiety in “Acceptable” Forms—and Why It’s Not That Simple

When women express anxiety in ways that conform to society’s expectations—through worry, self-doubt, or silent suffering—they are often met with compassion. This form of anxiety is seen as “palatable” and fits within the norms of a “sensitive” or “vulnerable” woman. For some, sharing their mental health struggles openly, as long as it aligns with these norms, elicits support and empathy. Which at times, creates a silent standard that this is the “appropriate” way for a woman to express mental health and anything outside this norm is considered “inappropriate”.

Yet this image of acceptable vulnerability often erases women who don’t, or can’t, fit the mold. For women from multiple marginalized backgrounds, anxiety often looks different. It may show up as anger, frustration, or a strong defensive response. Reactions that are often rooted in a need for protection/safety, often sharpened by personal or generational trauma. When anxiety emerges as anger, particularly toward someone in a position of power, society’s response flips. Instead of empathy, these women may face criticism, social exclusion, or even repercussions. Often, when women are faced with these forms of punishment, it exacerbates harmful thoughts pertaining to expression of emotion, and may even exacerbate anxious responses.

Anger as a Trauma Response: Valid and Often Misunderstood

For women with histories of trauma or experiences of oppression, anger can be a form of self-preservation. A trauma-informed approach recognizes that anger, especially in situations where power dynamics are a major factor, is often a protective response. Years of navigating unjust treatment, marginalization, or discrimination may lead to heightened reactions, especially if they feel invalidated or dismissed. In these cases, anger isn’t necessarily an “overreaction” to a situation, however; it’s a reaction grounded in their lived experience of having been silenced or undermined.

In trauma-informed care, responses like anger or frustration are seen as adaptive; they are ways of expressing unmet needs or safeguarding dignity. Recognizing this, we can begin to view anger as a valid form of expression rather than something needing suppression. This shift reframes anger not as instability but as a response from someone navigating complex layers of fear, frustration, trauma and historical harm. Justifying the anger that is present instead of the anger being unjustified or invalidated.

Power, Privilege, and the Complexity of Angry Anxiety

In situations where a woman’s anger is directed toward someone in a position of power, the stakes are high. An anti-oppression approach requires naming and understanding the power dynamics present. Does the person with power hold institutional or social privilege that might intimidate or silence her? Are they unconsciously reinforcing harmful stereotypes or even responding defensively, increasing the imbalance?

Power often shapes these interactions in subtle but profound ways. A trauma-informed, anti-oppression approach acknowledges that, while anger can sometimes feel intimidating, it’s crucial for those in power to avoid retaliation or dismissive responses. Rather than viewing anger as a threat to authority, this approach emphasizes understanding the origins of the reaction and holding space for it. Allowing for individuals in positions of power to engage in self-reflexivity regarding their power and the impact it has within different institutions; specifically relating to women expressing anger.

Respect and Validation: Making Room for Anger

Rather than silencing women who express anger as a form of anxiety, we should validate their experiences. Holding space for anger doesn’t mean endorsing every action or statement. Instead, it’s about showing respect for the person’s feelings without rushing to manage or “fix” their reaction. Often, women from marginalized backgrounds have faced lifetimes of being unheard or invalidated; by listening deeply and empathetically, we can offer a healing response to the anger.

For those in positions of power or authority, this may mean recognizing and sitting in their own discomfort or biases rather than perceiving the situation as a personal affront. It’s important not to defuse anger solely for the comfort of those in authority but to offer true support to the person expressing their feelings.

Moving Beyond Double Standards with Restorative Paths Forward

For real change within society, we must go beyond managing emotions and toward paths of mutual respect and repair. Here’s how we can create space for all forms of anxiety:

Challenge Stereotypes: Recognize when society’s expectations reinforce stereotypes of the “calm” or “gentle” woman, and call it out. This can start within ourselves, in conversations, and by advocating for more nuanced media portrayals.

Validate Angry Anxiety: Anger is as legitimate and valid as any other form of anxiety. Women from marginalized groups, in particular, deserve space for honest expression—whether they are angry, frustrated, or assertive.

Hold Power Accountable: In situations where anger is directed at someone with power, it’s essential to help that person reflect on their own response. Instead of interpreting anger as a threat, they can take responsibility for making the interaction safe and equitable.

Offer Paths for Restorative Justice: Facilitating open, honest dialogue and creating systems where both parties can communicate constructively, allows for healing. In these spaces, each person can express their needs and address the root issues, especially when historical harm or trauma is involved.

By approaching women’s expressions of anger through a trauma-informed, anti-oppression lens, we challenge the double standards that penalize marginalized voices. This approach doesn’t just open doors for individual healing but creates a culture where mental health is truly inclusive, and every form of expression has a place.