When Your Parent Has Dementia: Coping with Grief, Role Reversal, and Caregiver Stress

Watching a parent change because of dementia can be one of the most painful and disorienting experiences of adulthood. The person who once guided you, protected you, or offered steady advice may now struggle to remember your name, repeat the same questions, or behave in ways that feel unfamiliar or even hurtful.

If you are the adult child of a parent with dementia, we want you to know this first: your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.

At Bliss Counselling & Psychotherapy, we often meet adult children who are quietly carrying enormous emotional weight. This journey can feel isolating, confusing, and deeply unfair. And yet, many people feel pressure to stay strong, grateful, or composed at all times.

The Grief That Comes in Waves (Ambiguous Loss)

One of the most difficult aspects of dementia is the type of grief it creates. Your parent is still physically present, yet parts of who they were seem to disappear little by little. This experience is often referred to as ambiguous loss….a loss without clear closure.

You may find yourself grieving:

• The parent you once had
• The relationship you hoped to have in the future
• The loss of shared memories and mutual understanding

Because your parent is still alive, you might feel guilt for grieving at all. Many adult children tell us they think, “I should just be grateful they’re still here.” The truth is, both can exist at the same time. You can feel grateful and heartbroken. One does not cancel out the other.

The Role Reversal No One Prepared You For

Dementia often brings a sudden and painful shift in roles. Adult children may find themselves:

• Making medical or financial decisions for their parent
• Managing daily care, safety, or appointments
• Becoming the emotional anchor in the relationship

This role reversal can feel overwhelming—especially if you are also balancing work, parenting, relationships, or your own health. It’s common to feel resentment alongside love, followed quickly by shame for feeling that resentment.

These mixed emotions do not make you a bad child. They make you human.

When Your Parents’ Words or Behaviour Hurt

Dementia can affect personality, impulse control, and emotional regulation. A parent may say things that feel harsh, untrue, or completely out of character. They may accuse you of stealing, forget meaningful moments, or withdraw emotionally.

It’s important to remember:

• These behaviours are symptoms of the illness, not a reflection of your worth
• You are allowed to set boundaries—even with a parent who is ill
• Feeling hurt does not mean you lack compassion

Therapy can help you hold space for both realities: understanding the illness without minimizing your pain.

The Invisible Weight of Caregiver Stress

Many adult children don’t even identify as caregivers, yet they carry immense responsibility. Caregiver stress often builds quietly and can show up as:

• Chronic exhaustion or burnout
• Anxiety or depression
• Irritability, numbness, or emotional shutdown
• Difficulty sleeping or concentrating

You may feel pressure to “hold it together” for everyone else, leaving little room to acknowledge your own needs. Over time, this emotional load can take a serious toll on your mental health and sense of self.

You Deserve Support Too

Therapy isn’t about fixing the situation—because dementia is not something you can control. Instead, therapy offers a compassionate space where you can:

• Grieve openly and without judgment
• Learn coping strategies for stress and burnout
• Navigate boundaries and complex family dynamics
• Reconnect with your identity outside of caregiving

Most importantly, therapy gives you permission to matter again.

Redefining the Relationship

While dementia changes the relationship, it doesn’t always erase connection entirely. With the right support, some adult children discover new ways of relating—through presence rather than memory, emotion rather than conversation, and small moments rather than big expectations.

This doesn’t mean you have to feel positive or grateful all the time. It means allowing the relationship to be what it is now, while still honouring what it once was.

A Final Word of Compassion

If your parent has dementia, you are navigating something profoundly difficult. You may feel steady one moment and completely undone the next. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re carrying something heavy.

At Bliss Counselling & Psychotherapy, we believe that adult children of parents with dementia deserve compassion, space, and meaningful support. You do not have to walk this path alone.

If you’re ready to talk, we’re here to listen.